Estimated read time: 2-3 minutes
THE STEPS — I know I shouldn't be proud of this, but when I was a teenager I thought I had laziness down to a science.
Teenage John slept an exorbitant amount. My Sundays would go like this: Wake up to go to church. Fall asleep at church. Get home from church at noon and go to bed. Wake up at 3 p.m. for an early Sunday dinner. Go back to bed at 4:30 p.m. Set an alarm for 7 p.m. to watch "The Simpsons." Get a snack. Watch something that totally wasted my time. Back in bed by 9:30 p.m. or 10 p.m.
On top of that, my laziness nearly killed me once.
It was summer and I had come home from an early morning football practice, and guess what I did? I went to bed. About an hour into sleep I heard an alarm going off. I tried to ignore it, but it was so persistent that I couldn't.
I got out of bed, headed down the hall and saw that the carbon monoxide alarm was going bananas. It seemed like a lot of work to figure out what was going on and I was the only one home. I figured I had a 50/50 shot that it was a fluke, so I unplugged it went back to sleep. I turned out to be OK, but it was a terrible idea. Do not do this. Don't be me.
While I figured my laziness knew all the tricks, this cat taught me something new.
This video is from 2017, but not enough of you have seen the majesty and brilliance of this cat's laziness.
The feline was at the top of the stairs and needed to get to the bottom. It was already laying down, and standing up is a lot of work. Instead of putting in the work, this lazy genius goes boneless and slides down the stairs one step at a time.
I wanted to give the kitty a standing ovation, but that would require getting out of my chair and that is not about to happen. Instead, I'll tip my proverbial hat to him while I go take a nap.