Estimated read time: 1-2 minutes
The moment we reached out to several trusted Hotline advisors in an attempt to match each Pac-12 football program to a Halloween candy, the jokes flew like penalty flags in an Arizona State game (ba-da-BING).
Fortunately, we resisted the urge to simply identify the top-selling candy bar in 2016 and call it a day.
One suggestion came instantly: "They're all Kit Kat's. Easily breakable."
Funny … really funny … but also too easy.
To get it right — to reach the standard set by the Hotline's twin addictions to caffeine and sugar — this exercise required deep thought and far more creativity than Washington's running game.
For inspiration, we turned to that noted candy connoisseur, Mike Leach, whose knowledge laps our own (although we don't share his preference for Almond Joy).
Here's our list of Pac-12 teams as Halloween candy.
Arizona: Black Licorice. Hard pass, if we're being totally honest.
Arizona State: Nestle's Crunch. Always leaves you thinking, 'Should be better.'
Cal: Gummy Bears. Duh.
Colorado: Nerds. Not sure what's inside, but it isn't good.
Oregon: Sugar Daddy. Don't make me explain.
Oregon State: 100 Grand. Deeply under-appreciated.
Stanford: Smarties. Well past their prime. (Also: Smarties.)
UCLA: Candy Canes. One of the best, just in a different season.
USC: Three Musketeers. Looks dashing but soft on the inside.
Utah: M&Ms. No surprises. Nothing fancy. Just damn good.
Washington: Pixy Sticks. My, how they dissolve quickly.
Washington State: Milky Way. The coach was … out there.
(Sorry, Rolo was too obvious.)
Agree or disagree with the selections, you know where to find me. And if enough suggestions roll in, I'll publish them.
At Christmas, we'll do Pac-12 basketball teams as Santa's Reindeer.
Just kidding. We won't put you through that.
Jon Wilner's Pac-12 Hotline is brought to KSL.com through a partnership with the Bay Area News Group.
Jon Wilner has been covering college sports for decades and is an AP Top 25 football and basketball voter as well as a Heisman Trophy voter. He was named Beat Writer of the Year in 2013 by the Football Writers Association of America for his coverage of the Pac-12, won first place for feature writing in 2016 in the Associated Press Sports Editors writing contest and is a five-time APSE honoree. You can follow him on Twitter @WilnerHotline or send an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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