Estimated read time: 2-3 minutes
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THE KITCHEN TABLE — There is a tradition that I have been against for years: blowing out birthday candles.
Ever since my seventh birthday, I've hated the tradition because I realized that after a person blows his or her candles out, the delicious cake those candles are stuck into is now covered in spit. I want nothing to do with that — even before COVID-19 arrived.
If I'm at your party and you blow out your candles I will celebrate your birth and pat you on the back, but I'm not having one morsel of that birthday boy/girl-saliva-flavored cake. That's all yours. I'll have some carrot sticks, thank you.
This video is a few years old, but its lack of views is criminal considering the message being spread.
It's this man's birthday and his family has kindly given him a cake with candles that need to be blown out. The family then asks him his opinion on blowing out birthday candles, and the man is more than happy to oblige.
My guess is this is not the first time, nor the 101st time these people have heard this diatribe. The man sums up a lot of my thoughts on the subject, adding in his observation that people always come home sick from birthday parties; for that, he blames the cake. It's not tummy troubles, but the sniffles — because everyone had a slice of chocolate cake with buttercream frosting and a side of spit.
I know I'm sounding gross, but so is spitting all over your cake before you share it with guests.
The man then shows the proper way to put out the candles, and it's pretty efficient.
This video is especially relevant to me today because it just so happens to be my birthday. Please don't ask how old I am; that's rude and it depresses me. If you'd like to get me a gift for my birthday it would be this: Stop blowing out birthday candles!
Unless, of course, you want your cake to yourself — which is fair. I mean, it is your birthday after all.
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Not sure what I would have done if I had witnessed this scene. Actually, I do. I would be mad, like I am right now, that I didn't come up with this first.
