Miscommunication could lead to dating misfire

(U-WIRE) FULLERTON, Calif. -- When it comes to communication between men and women, women don't always want what men think they do.

Women say "potato," and men think "potatoh" and bring themselves to the verge of calling it off, or so the old George Gershwin melody says.

But when the fairer sex attributes poor upbringing, the disappearance of chivalry or just plain ol' stupidity to male brutish behavior and relational discord, the real culprit may be the fact that men and women may just be singing different tunes.

What women may consider a nice outfit for a night on the town, men may consider a sign that she is ready and available, a problem that California State University-Fullerton sociology major Danielle Sanders has encountered in the past.

Sanders, 23, said that she wants men to understand that when she dresses up, it's not always for the pleasure of a male companion or for the general viewing pleasure of men around her.

She said that sometimes a woman just dresses up to feel like a woman.

CSUF Sociology professor of human communications studies Richard Wiseman explained why men may take Sanders' natural need to feel like a woman the wrong way.

"Men in general try to find as many cues as possible to indicate intimacy," said Wiseman, who teaches a class on gender and communication.

A woman's way of dressing, he continued, may tell a man that she is interested in and open to his advances whether a woman intends her attire to do so or not.

This works in a negative way as well.

When a man and woman are in a relationship and the woman dresses enticingly, the man may get jealous because he perceives the woman as opening herself up to sexual advances, Wiseman said.

If you look at it from a sociobiology standpoint, men and women both want different things from a relationship -- men want to procreate and send their genes on into the next generation, and women want someone capable of protecting their offspring, Wiseman said.

This perspective could explain why female bodily exposure has a greater effect on males than male exposure has on females.

The exposure of secondary female sex organs -- breasts -- triggers a mating cue in the male. Because women don't feel the need to procreate, male exposure has no effect, according to the theory, Wiseman said.

This may make men perceive intimacy when there really is none there in the first place.

Perceived intimacy can become a problem in service jobs as well.

Breck Franklin, a CSUF sociology major, works two jobs -- one as a bartender and another as a cashier in the CSUF Titan Student Union food court.

She said that she wants men to understand that when she's being friendly, she's merely doing her job.

"I don't want to date you," Franklin, 22, wants most of the men who visit the cafeteria on a daily basis and know her by name to know. She's just being nice.

Wiseman said that service jobs in particular have a problem with perceived intimacy because men and women can come into close contact with each other.

What women may consider a friendly gesture could be perceived as flirtation, leading to "problems at the office water cooler," Wiseman said.

Citing a study conducted at Kansas State University, Wiseman said that groups of men and women were shown a videotape of a female instructing a male at a computer.

The women who watched the videotape saw a woman simply teaching the man how to use a computer.

On the other hand, men who watched the video said that the woman was definitely coming on to the man.

While the scenarios show that men and women aren't exactly singing in tune when it comes to communication, women may take some comfort in the fact that they may be able to use the mistranslation to their advantage.

A touch by a woman seating a person or while giving out a menu can increase tips by 20 to 35 percent, Wiseman said, especially when the man is going solo.

(C) 2006 Daily Titan via U-WIRE