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The latest news on the children's book front comes from The New York Times, which reported Monday that an upcoming teen novel had been amended in the service of product placement.
The scoop is that an early galley of "Cathy's Book: If Found Call (650) 266-8233" had the heroine wearing a "killer coat of Clinique #11 Black Violet" lipstick. In the final edition of the Running Press book, however, the reference was changed to "a killer coat of Lipslicks in 'Daring.' "
Why the change?
It seems Lipslicks is made by CoverGirl, a Procter & Gamble company that agreed to plug the book on its Beinggirl.com Web site in exchange for a few product references.
"Cathy's Book," due out in September, was written by Sean Stewart and Jordan Weisman, who have marketing backgrounds themselves.
We could all learn a thing or two from this deal -- namely, that children's literature is the land of unmined opportunity. Imagine the possibilities. Here's how a savvy dealmaker might approach it, starting with this classic of the backlist:
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Once there were three bears: Mama Bear, Papa Bear and Baby Bear.
They were very happy -- until they sat down at their Broyhill dining table one morning and discovered their Quaker Instant Oatmeal Express was too hot to eat.
"Let's go for a walk while it cools off," Mama Bear said. "Just let me throw on my Calvin Klein jacket and grab my Kate Spade handbag."
While she was getting ready, Papa Bear closed his morning Post-Intelligencer, pulled on his Mariners cap and zipped up his Seahawks jacket. He tied Baby Bear's Nikes. Then off they went, into the big woods!
In another part of the forest, a little girl was going exploring. Her name was Goldilocks, because her hair was as lustrous as Clairol's Balsam Color in the shade of Ultra Light Golden Blonde.
Soon she came to the Three Bears' house.
"Knock, knock," she rapped.
Unfortunately for the three bears, no one had remembered to set the Honeywell First Alert Professional security keypad. So Goldilocks opened the door and walked right in.
"Yum, Quaker Instant Oatmeal Express," she said, casting a hungry eye at the bears' breakfast.
She sat down at Papa Bear's place, picked up the Oneida "Chateau" stainless-steel flatware and plunged it into the single-serve microwaveable cup.
"Ouch!" cried Goldilocks. "This Quaker Instant Oatmeal Express is too hot!"
She moved to Mama Bear's place, took a bite and said, "Ugh! This Quaker oatmeal product is too cold!"
With that, she carried the single-serve cup to the Three Bears' Panasonic 2.2-cubic-foot microwave. She pushed the one-touch reheat sensor designed for moist, flavorful leftovers.
While she waited, she completely forgot about Baby Bear's Quaker Instant Oatmeal Express, which had been just right but was rapidly congealing.
"Ding!" went the timer.
Goldilocks pulled Mama Bear's Quaker breakfast out of the microwave. Yum! It was just right. She ate it up.
Then she wandered into the Three Bears' great room. Her feet hurt and she wanted to rest.
She plumped down onto Papa Bear's oversize Amish Originals Mission Chair. Too young and undiscerning to appreciate its fine wood grain, she cried, "This chair is too hard!"
Next she tried Mama Bear's middle-size chair. It was a romantic Lillian August Townsend chair with down-blend cushions and tufted back. But did Goldilocks even notice? No, she did not. It's highly questionable whether Goldilocks even deserved such a nice chair because when she sank into it, all she said was, "This chair is too soft!"
Growing frustrated, she moved on to Baby Bear's itsy-bitsy chair, a discount-store import of uncertain provenance. Down she sat. Splat! The chair shattered to bits and sent Goldilocks sprawling.
Weary from these mishaps, she climbed the stairs and decided to settle in for a nap. First she tried Papa Bear's great, big bed, with its Oasis 1200 Extra-Firm Support innerspring, organic mattress with electrically tempered steel coils.
Wow. That got her attention.
"This bed is too hard!" she cried.
Then she curled up on Mama Bear's middle-size bed, with its Tempur-Pedic CelebrityBed mattress with cashmere-blend cover and down-filled duvet.
"This bed is too soft!" Goldilocks fretted.
Finally she curled up on Baby Bear's Pottery Barn Speed Boat Bed and Trundle. It was just right! Goldilocks soon was fast asleep.
Meanwhile, the Three Bears were heading home to breakfast, which, by now, certainly needed the services of the Panasonic reheat sensor. Right away, they sensed something amiss.
"Someone's been eating my Quaker Instant Oatmeal Express," growled Papa Bear.
"Someone's been eating my Quaker Instant Oatmeal Express," gasped Mama Bear. "And they've eaten it all up!"
"No, they haven't," said Baby Bear, generously offering the cold, gluey remains of his breakfast. "You can have mine."
Father Bear stopped growling long enough to remember that they would not soon run out of Quaker Instant Oatmeal Express.
"No fear," he soothed Mama Bear. "There's plenty left. Remember? We got it at Costco."
And with that, they searched the house, found Goldilocks and blasted her out of bed with their Bose Wave Music System.
Goldilocks was so startled, she jumped out of the Anderson 400 Series Roof Window and ran home. And she never visited the Three Bears again.
The End
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