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My Tour of Duty in Vietnam
This is for the returning veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan. It is sometimes hard to share this with you, but I feel that you need to remember that you have experienced terror, suffering, death, and even boredom. This experience leaves a deep impression and needs to be addressed. Do not bury it, it will not go away. If not addressed it WILL GET WORSE!!
My name is Paul Pearson. I am retired from the U.S. Army. I had combat tours in Vietnam, the Middle East and Thailand. I was raised in a typical Utah family. I was raised to honor the flag and country because this land is a chosen land. As a child, I always had the desire to serve my country.
It was 1970 and our country was waging war in the Republic of Vietnam. While I was still in high school, I volunteered for military service and asked to serve in Vietnam. I was sent to Vietnam in 1972, flying on a Medical Rescue and Evacuation helicopter out for DaNang Airbase Vietnam. I learned quickly that this war was not like the John Wayne movies, it was full of terror, suffering and death.
This young 19-year-old from Hunter, Utah, was in for a real shock. I remember getting on the "Freedom Bird." That is what they call the charter plane that flies us to and from Vietnam. On the way we would talk about getting over there and ending the war. We talked a lot. The veterans returning for a second and third tour sat very subdued and to themselves.
When we arrived, we where transported in a bus that had chicken wire over the windows so that grenades could not be thrown through the windows. We processed in and were transported to our final destinations. I was at DaNang for two hours, and I experienced my first rocket attack. To me it was sheer terror.
When I flew my first mission, I picked up my first wounded soldier. He had a sucking chest wound. My thought was, "I'm sure it was much easier in the training simulations." When the mission was over, I threw up for an hour.
Well as time went on I went on the self-protection mode. I became detached from the war and did my job but witnessed the suffering and death of other members of the military to include my best friend. Although not all was bad at the time. When we went to the orphanages to give immunizations and treat the children who had suffered through the war it helped me keep my spirits up. At the end of my tour, I boarded the "Freedom Bird" to return to the "World" which is what we called the states. I slept most of the way. No one noticed that I was back and didn't care.
I tried hard to get back to normal, but I had dreams and flashbacks of my experiences. And if I talked about my feelings, which is "Taboo" in the military, because now you're a nut case and it was not "Macho", I buried it deep. Then I met my wife, and we were married in 1973 in Salt Lake City. I was still in the military. I was renewed with her spirit and I thought the war was behind me, but little did I know that it wasn't.
At first it was OK, but as time went on this buried feeling became a monster. I was changing right in front of my wife's eyes. I started to become moody, withdrawn, abusive, detached. The dreams became even more intense and more often. My wife encouraged us to seek help, but that was not "Macho." I would be branded as a nut.
Well this went on for 34 years. All hidden in my mind until our family went to Virginia to visit my daughter and her family that was stationed at Ft. Belvoir. We went and toured Washington, D.C., and thought in my mind that I was over the war. We went to the Vietnam Memorial, and there the emotions flowed, and I wept and wept.
After that I could not think, I thought do I have ADD (attention deficit disorder) I went for an evaluation and was diagnosed with P.T.S.D. (post-traumatic stress disorder). When asked to share my feelings about the war, the emotions flowed, my wife was shocked. She had no idea what my job (in war) was and my experience. I had not shared it with anyone in 34 years.
I have been in counseling treatment for over 2 years, and I have made progress but I have a long way to go. I am sharing this with you, the returning troops from combat areas. I still have flashbacks and nightmares, and I will fall to the ground with a car backfiring. But I am making progress.
I can talk more about it and share it with others. When asked by a young solider when was your last tour in Vietnam, I told him, "Last Night." But I am learning to come home. As I read today about the My Lai survivors who gathered to pray for victims of that terrible massacre, it brings vivid memories of a war where you never knew who was the enemy.
