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If you're a working mother, you've probably heard people say, "I don't know how you do it," plenty of times.
By "it," they mean the struggle to simultaneously meet the needs of both your job and your kids.
As CEO and president of Working Mother magazine and a mother of two, Carol Evans knows "it" certainly isn't easy.
In This Is How We Do It, her first book, she breaks down the elements needed to pull off the juggling act of working motherhood.
She also freely acknowledges that they don't always work.
To start, she writes, it takes elbow grease, humor, sleepless nights and the support of family and friends, of babysitters and caregivers, and, increasingly, of workplaces themselves.
Though working mothers may sometimes feel as though they are alone in trying to use all those tools to balance work and family, more than 71% of all moms in the USA work full or part time, Evans writes. In fact, nearly half of all working women are mothers.
With such large representation in the workforce, and with a wave of baby boomers on the verge of retirement, Evans says now is the time to examine how companies can be more supportive of working moms so they can find and keep great employees.
It's a cultural contradiction, she writes. Families need moms' income, companies need moms' labor and the economy needs moms' spending power. But many companies and communities still act as if only men work and moms stay home, she writes. Most schools still have half-day kindergarten. It costs more on average to send a 4-year-old to day care than to send a student to public college. Many companies still frown on flexible work options, such as job sharing, telecommuting and flexible schedules.
Evans resists the inevitable comparison between family-leave policies in the USA and other parts of the developed world. Instead, she focuses on success stories from her magazine's "100 Best Companies" list.
Among flexible work options and less-common-but-helpful services:
*Take-home meals. Johnson & Johnson, Union Pacific and several other companies on the 100 Best list offer food-to-go so parents don't have to worry about fixing dinner.
*Odd-jobs service. Travel company Carlson sends a "job squad" to employees' houses to perform pesky chores, such as fixing screen doors or re-grouting bathtubs, for $49.95 a month.
*On-site day care and elder care support. Pfizer is among the 99% of the 100 Best Companies that offer emotional support and help connect employees with experts in senior living arrangements, care giving, medical help, insurance and legal issues.
*In-home nanny services. Financial services group Ameritas Acacia sends caregivers to employees' homes when their kids are too sick to go to school or to day care.
But not everyone can work for a company on the 100 Best list. For parents who work for less family-friendly companies but need to make changes at work to accommodate a family situation, Evans suggests following the advice of James Levine, founder of the Fatherhood Project. Key points:
1. Know your office policies ... and use them. "Most people treat the office manual the way they treat a software manual. They never look at it." Levine says.
2. State the business case. Evans suggests writing a document that describes what you want, anticipates and answers any management objections, and uses facts and figures or comparisons with competitors' policies.
3. If the boss says no. Research around the office to see if other parents are facing similar problems. Or suggest a short-term experiment.
Some of Evans' most lively material in the book comes from her personal stories, such as a painful argument with her daughter over study habits. "How would you know? You're never home," her daughter said. Or a young working mom who told Evans she was so used to feeling guilty that she sometimes blamed herself for the weather.
By combining commiserating, sage advice, statistics and results from her magazine's reader surveys, Evans offers plenty of ammunition for moms caught in the battle to balance work and home life.
This Is How We Do It: The Working Mothers' Manifesto
By Carol Evans
Hudson Street Press, 269 pages, $23.95
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