Frequently asked questions about social anxiety and overcoming it

Psychologist Wendy Ulrich talks to Michelle King about how those suffering from mental illness, like social anxiety, can find relief.

Here's a list of frequently asked questions on the subject and Wendy's answers.

1. **Isn't it just normal to feel anxious sometimes?**All of us feel anxious from time to time. This is how our body reacts to a threat so that we can take action to protect ourselves. That kind of anxiety is not only normal but can be helpful. Most of us actually perform better with a little bit of adrenalin or stress. But when anxiety becomes a persistent pattern that interferes with our normal functioning over a long period of time, that isn't just anxiety, that's an anxiety disorder.
2. **How does an anxiety disorder develop?**Often when people develop an anxiety disorder, they become extremely anxious about being extremely anxious. A vicious cycle begins where the person has some symptoms of anxiety like trembling, having difficulty expressing oneself, sweating or being jittery and they feel embarrassed and worried about others judging or criticizing them for looking so anxious, which of course just creates more anxiety. They try really hard to control the symptoms of anxiety but they can't, and the harder they try to control something they can't control the more out of control they feel.
3. **How does this impact people in church settings?**In church settings, some people may become extremely distressed about having to speak or pray in public, being called on in a class, having to interact in a small group, having to speak to authority figures, having to attend parties or social events, or just having to carry on a conversation with a relative stranger. While it is not at all unusual for people to feel some anxiety in any of those situations, most of us learn to ignore it and go on. And some of us get anxious about being anxious and it gets worse and worse.
4. **What can people do to manage anxiety?**There are a number of techniques for learning to manage or reduce anxiety. Systematically relaxing all your muscles, deep breathing, and meditation techniques help some. Others get relief as they really analyze their thoughts and talk back to perfectionistic thinking or worry. Many people find that distracting themselves from distressing thoughts is the best approach. It can help to figure out a plan for handling a fearful social situation including things like where to sit, what to say, or what role to take. For example, I feel very self-conscious when I first arrive in a social situation, especially if I don't have a clear role, so I'd rather be late - but once I'm there I relax and often want to stay. Someone else may feel like they will have more control or draw less criticism if they are early, but they may wear out and need to leave sooner too. The brain automatically interprets most new social situations as threatening at first, but once we start interacting with someone in an authentic way we usually feel better, so we need to give ourselves time for that to happen.
5. **How can parents or leaders help?**Parents and leaders can avoid putting undue pressure on the individual to "be reasonable," and instead help them feel safe saying what they are most afraid of, which they are often afraid to admit because they know it isn't reasonable. Reassurance, support, and help in developing a plan for dealing with the specific situation can help. Exercise, diet, medication, and therapy can all be helpful as well.