Art Buchwald lives on, and that's a reason to smile

Estimated read time: 2-3 minutes

This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replaying the story in its archived form does not constitute a republication of the story.

WASHINGTON -- "Dying is easy. Parking is impossible," quips humorist Art Buchwald, 80, who ought to know.

The Pulitzer Prize-winning author is dying from kidney and vascular ailments. A parade of family, friends, celebrities and media, even the French ambassador bearing a medal from his country, visits his hospice bedside. In the lounge, Buchwald has set up a salon of sorts for his guests.

All arrive, he says, complaining about the parking.

Buchwald checked into the hospice Feb. 7 after he chose to quit life-prolonging dialysis.

But he is far from done with embracing friends new and old, with making wisecracks, or -- after a half-century of writing more than 8,000 newspaper columns and 30 books -- with whacking his favorite targets: politicians and the self-righteous of every stripe.

He's using his unnumbered last days to talk very deliberately about "the topic no one wants to talk about," he says.

Death.

In an interview Thursday with USA TODAY, he:

*Says he regrets that "global warming will be solved after I go" and that he won't get to yet another Verdi opera.

*Declares he'll never miss "the hypocrisy of our government, the lying of our politicians" or any sports teams.

*Speculates on the hereafter: "I have no idea where I'm going, but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?"

He talks about how he is at peace with his choice, how much he appreciates the comfort and dignity of hospice care and how valuable it is to make your final wishes clear. His most recent column urged people to name a surrogate to speak for their health care decisions.

It's all delivered with the bluntness of a boy who spent his early childhood in an orphanage, who experienced divorce and two bouts of deep depression.

His choice "wasn't easy. ... Your kids don't want you to die. But it was my wish, and they came around."

Since he began speaking out about death -- and outliving expectations -- he says he has received 2,000 letters, most of them supportive, many of them odes to his work. A few, though, are from people on dialysis who say he helps them live on and live well.

To them, Buchwald says simply, "You're right," and that he might have made a different decision had he not been 80. Still, he says, "I don't care who you are, you're gonna die."

Just not yet. "I have death on hold," he jokes as his son takes his toddler grandson home and a longtime friend, newsman Mike Wallace, pulls up in a taxi that can't find a place to park.

People likely will know when Buchwald finds a final parking spot: From somewhere unseen will come the sound of laughter.

To see more of USAToday.com, or to subscribe, go to http://www.usatoday.com