Reasons why we should date before marriage

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SALT LAKE CITY -- In many societies, people believe in the need for the dating period of a relationship before they commit to marrying someone. This is because they either already know of the benefits or because it is an ingrained part of their cultural experience.

However, in many cultures, dating is not a way of life. A man or woman is brought together with a member of the opposite sex and goes straight to the issue of marriage without enough preliminary activity. Young single adults, especially in Africa, are even asking about the necessity for dating before marriage.

Even when not clearly formalized, some form of dating still takes place in these cultures where dating is not emphasized as a way of life. It is not just regarded correctly and taken to the fullest advantage. Spouses, especially wives-to-be, are studied covertly through shadow dating.

Dating has a purpose in which people of the opposite sex assess and consider each other as a spouse. In the past, it may have been OK to meet a man or woman and contract a marriage. It probably was all right to watch a woman from afar and propose marriage to her or her parents.

Today, however, the marriage relationship has evolved so much, placing an even greater importance on the need for a thorough dating period.

Here are a few basic reasons you need to date before you marry:

To learn social skills: Socialization is the first reason for dating and the main purpose of dating during teenage years. Social skills or competencies are critical for the different sexes to be able to live together as married adults.
To learn communication skills: Many couples start their married lives without any element of how to sit down and have a discussion. This has led to those deafening silences that take away the joy of a marriage relationship. Women generally like to express their feelings, while many men lack the ability to listen. This blending is learned during dating and improved upon during courtship.
To develop friendships: Marriage is a long journey; it is better traveled with those who see things as closely as possible to your own point of view, with a friend.
To know the strengths and weaknesses of a would-be spouse: The marriage journey would be greatly assisted if you could find out in advance if the man or woman you are considering spending the rest of your life with has the qualities you expect, wish for or desire in a companion. It is also important to know in advance what weaknesses there are so you can decide whether or not you can tolerate them.
To get emotionally involved with each other: Emotional involvement is critical to the sustaining of respect for one another. The basic ingredients to emotional involvement are sown during dating, enhanced during courtship and utilized during marriage. Emotional involvement is not sexual intercourse, which actually disrupts the process of building emotional involvement.
To learn about relationships: Nobody is allowed to drive a vehicle without evidence of learning to drive and being licensed. Dating sets the stage for this learning. Life is a process. You cannot jump any stage and still succeed.

Francis Nmeribe is a relationship coach, personal transformation teacher, an author and public speaker. Contact Nmeribe at www.successpublishers.com.