Dating your spouse with little or no money

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SALT LAKE CITY -- Therapists say that when we court each other, we plan so many things to spend time with the person we love. But when we get married, the distractions of reality hit us.

We just assume that we'll find time to be together. A lot of relationships get the leftover time.

–Randy Chatelain

Marriage and family therapist Randy Chatelain said, "Pretty soon, we just assume that we'll find time to be together. I think a lot of relationships get the leftover time."

So, Chatelain says dating needs to be a higher priority for married couples, with specific rules about how often you will go out.

"Sometimes rules are implicit, sometimes they need to be explicit that we go out once a week, or sometimes it's every two weeks. Or, once a month we try to get away," he said.

One thing he likes to assign to the couples he sees is to trade date ideas. He says it almost creates a competition of creativity as couples try to think of new ways to have fun while staying within their budget.

"Some people do that once a month. He takes one and she takes the other. (With) other people it's, ‘this week is mine, next week is yours,'" he said.

But he says too many couples think they have to plan elaborate dates to have fun together.

"We're taught to believe that unless we're being super stimulated, whether that's (with) food or entertainment or otherwise, it's not fun. Frankly, most couples just need some time together," he said.

Officials from the Utah Commission on Marriage say many date ideas are free, like going sledding or taking a drive to look for wildlife.

Their other suggestions include: