Estimated read time: 4-5 minutes
This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replaying the story in its archived form does not constitute a republication of the story.
It's 2006 and time for better relationships with family, friends and work colleagues, right?
Yet despite your best intentions, the relationships still seem fraught with frustration.
There are remedial steps that you can take, says psychotherapist Susan Forward of Westlake Village, author of such best sellers as "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them" and "Toxic Parents." Among her other books are "Betrayal of Innocence," "Obsessive Love," "When Your Lover Is a Liar" and "Emotional Blackmail."
Forward, a Ph.D. who has been called one of the nation's leading psychotherapists, finds it satisfying to address behavior that is not healthy and leads consistently to unsatisfying outcomes.
"Many years ago, I was an actress doing episodic TV, but I felt a calling to help people so got into work that was pioneering and cutting-edge," she said.
About five months ago, the lecturer, talk show guest and media personality moved to Westlake Village. She has a private practice in Sherman Oaks and plans to meet with clients once remodeling of her new house is finished.
Meanwhile, Forward, who has been a guest on such shows as "Oprah" and "Larry King," initiated her relocation to Ventura County with a talk on "Emotional Blackmail: How to Avoid Being Manipulated by the People in Your Life." Forward was at the Simi Valley Cultural Arts Center, where she spoke to about 40 men and women at RoseAnne Savo's weekly "Cultural Connections" group.
Forward said people are vulnerable to wanting a connection to others, but that "most are too hungry for it and can't back away from undue pressure or emotional blackmail." She defined emotional blackmail as relationships damaged by control and manipulation, since giving in to an emotional blackmailer erodes the recipient's self-esteem, she said.
Amy Commans of Oak Park said she found the topic fascinating. "Any of us should participate in anything that promises personal growth that is healthy," she said.
Savo invites nationally known professionals such as Forward to be part of her four groups. The programs Savo offers range from formal to informal and are presented by experts, as well as those unpublished but passionate about what they do.
Although it's a new year, there may be residual leftover from 2005. "You're supposed to be happy during the holidays, but they may have been filled with tension. You're supposed to be happy, feel happy, but if you're not living up to those expectations, you may fall into depression," Forward said.
So what to do? Forward has a number of tips:
"Take better care of your emotional and psychological self. Most of us are people-pleasers and too quick to adapt to others' needs. Promise to resolve to take better care of yourself."
"Resolve to set boundaries and limitations on people poisoning your life. Don't allow them to twist you into a pretzel." Decide what it is you are willing to give, then stand your ground.
"Resolve to talk things out honestly with your partner, instead of one of you always giving up, then it becomes a lose-win situation. You want win-win relationships," which start with being able to discuss issues and concerns.
"Understand that when you are feeling angry or resentful, you will act out in angry or resentful ways," verbally and/or nonverbally, Forward said. The way to become a healthier communicator is to watch for feelings of anger or resentment and figure out what to do. This does not mean ignoring the feelings but dealing with them or dissolving them.
"Take better care of yourself physically. It's trite, I know, but very important." To reach Forward, call 267-0822.
On the Net:
To go
What: The four groups hosted by volunteer arts activist RoseAnne Savo of Camarillo are:
Literary Options, 7 p.m. Mondays, at Barnes & Noble Booksellers in Westlake Village, 160 S. Westlake Blvd.
Cultural Connections, 1 p.m. Tuesdays, Simi Valley Cultural Center, 3050 Los Angeles Ave., Simi Valley.
Literary Wanderings, 1 p.m. Thursdays, Barnes & Noble Booksellers, 160 S. Westlake Blvd.
Creative Gatherings, 1 p.m. Fridays, Borders, 125 W. Thousand Oaks Blvd., Thousand Oaks.
Cost: The events are free, and reservations are not needed.
Not all meetings feature speakers, but the lineup of any speakers is not yet confirmed for meetings at other locations. However, Savo said, the following speakers are scheduled at Barnes & Noble Booksellers, 160 S. Westlake Blvd., Thousand Oaks.
Jan. 12, 1 p.m., self-published poet Greg Hyette, for Literary Wanderings.
Jan. 19, 1 p.m., Writer John Amos, for Literary Wanderings.
Jan. 23, 7 p.m., author Rosemary Jenkins, for Literary Options.
Feb. 2, 1 p.m., poet Pat Ellis, for Literary Wanderings.
Feb. 9, 1 p.m. author and playwright Erica Stux, for Literary Wanderings.
Information: call hostess RoseAnne Savo at 491-3387.
postCount('lcSavoFC4368198'); | postCountTB('lcSavoFC4368198');
To see more of InsideVC.com, or to subscribe, go to www.InsideVC.com.
? 2004 InsideVC.com. All Rights Reserved.
