Estimated read time: 2-3 minutes
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How can Jason kill thee? Let me count the ways. He could kill thee simply with the depth and breadth of his machete; he could kill thee with a quiet need for a roasting over the flickering campfire light. He could skewer you freely while skinny-dip wakeboarding on a Crystal Lake. Ah, but it's assured that regardless of method, Jason shall but love thee better after death.
What a relief it is to think that another "Friday the 13th" will be available just in time for a romantic Valentine's weekend date night. We're actually treated to three rounds of innovative slaughter. First, the stage has to be set by taking us back to the original killing fields of Crystal Lake Camp. Second, a gaggle of frisky teens encamp by the lake hoping to find a field of weed to replenish their dwindling stash. When they are all properly impaled, dismembered and toasted you're left wondering, what now?
Never fear, this is just the official opening of the movie paving the way for the next course of fresh, frisky teens. This new crew of Jason fodder takes over a lakeside home belonging to one of the kid's parents. Add to this a mysterious young man who arrives on his motorcycle searching for his sister who went missing in the area six weeks earlier. Ah, the plot thickens, or is that sickens?
This latest Friday the 13th is merely a vehicle for more blood, guts, gore, sex, nudity, language and drugs. You can't help but marvel at the filmmakers amazing ability to not ever let a plot interfere. Even when a character starts to take root, Jason puts a stop to that with a swift, creative demise.
I'm trying to come up with one redeeming quality of Friday the 13th, and I'm still working on it. What a waste. It's a total turkey, and rated R.
