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I received a huge response on my latest column for LIFEadvice, "Not enough intimacy in your marriage?" Most people thanked me for addressing a very real problem in their lives, but others had more questions. I'd like to address some of those here.
I wish this article had also addressed when the man is not interested in sex and the woman feels rejected.
There are some common causes for a disinterest in intimacy on the husband's side. They include:
- Testosterone or hormone problems.
- Giving up on sex after experiencing too much rejection from their wives.
- Concerns about pregnancy.
- Back problems or pains that can make sex uncomfortable or painful.
- Pornography addiction.
Infidelity. Many men who experience low libido find out the cause was just a simple hormone issue. Go see a doctor; a little medication could solve this.
Cameo from sexlessmarriagenomore.com says, "Men need lots of validation, appreciation and respect in order to feel desired and interested in sex. If they don't feel valued in other areas, they can shut down in the bedroom. As women we can assist them in feeling safe, secure, unconditionally loved and accepted no matter what.""I would never suggest an affair may be taking place, but if a man is receiving intense passion somewhere else, then this may be the cause of the disconnect."
If there is a pornography addiction, then visit with a therapist or visit yourbrainonporn.com or [outinthelight.com](http://www.curethecraving.comcurethecraving.com. These are both excellent websites that offer help. For support for wives and families, visit <a href=>).The good news is, you can save your marriage. Just take small steps every day to rebuild the love and trust. Make sure you approach this problem as a team. Make a commitment to solve it together. Unconditional love and acceptance are key. Question: My husband and I have not had sex since our baby was born. I am on anti- depressants and birth control, both which decrease my sex drive. My husband doesn't seem to get it. Can you help? Answer: You may not be happy with my answer. I cannot get your husband to understand that you are not interested in sex. I want you to understand that a healthy sexual relationship is an important part of a healthy marriage. You must find a way to get more excited about it. Without sex your husband doesn't feel loved, validated or valued. That's just part of the way men express love. It is more important that you find a way to make sex more fun and enjoyable for you. I really recommend that you visit www.sexlessmarriageno more.com and get Cameo's book or watch her free videos on YouTube. She is helping lots of women change their mindset about sex. I know this is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. Most sexless marriages don't last long-term. Your husband wants to be able to express his love for you physically and know that you desire and want him too. That's part of being married. If you divorce him and end up married to someone else, sex is still going to be part of the deal. I know it's difficult and uncomfortable to change, but I promise, this change will be worth it. You will end up with a really great relationship and a husband who adores you. -Coach Kim