In Depth: Who makes most of the decisions at home?

Who makes more of the decisions in the family, the husband or wife? And, does this inequality lead to problems down the road?

Many of us may have been raised by men like Tevye in "Fiddler on the Roof." He would say, "I am the man in the house! I am the head of the family!"

But Maria Portokalos in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" may have been more accurate when she said, "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants."

Of course, the couples I talked to like to think they split the decision-making process equally.

One woman said, "If it's a big thing, of course, we'll talk about it." One man said, "It's about even, I'd say, in our relationship."

But a Pew Research Center survey says in 43 percent of the cases, the woman makes most of the decisions in the home compared to just 26 percent saying the man makes the decisions. Thirty-one percent say the decisions are made equally between the man and woman. I asked one couple in Salt Lake if they agreed with this survey.

The man said, "Yes," but -- and I'm not kidding -- only after being prompted by his wife to answer. She responded by saying, "I don't know. I'm probably more assertive than he is."

Some psychiatrists say even though roles in the home have changed dramatically over the last several decades, there are some historical reasons why the women seem to be in charge.

Counselor Dr. Garth L. Allred said, "If she [the woman] goes to work, then comes home, she's still responsible, in the minds of most men, to take care of the house."

Allred says some people who consistently let their spouses make all the decisions might not just be acting flexible. He says there might be some passive-aggressiveness there.

"He's apathetic. He doesn't care. He doesn't care about the things she cares about," he said.

Allred says this apathy could lead to resentment later on.

"If the communication is vertical or power-oriented, it's going to be bad," he explained.

But researchers at the Pew Research Center say the men surveyed don't mind letting their wives make most of the decisions.

E-mail: pnelson@ksl.com

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