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Have You Seen This? Google Fiber introduces newest innovation

(Google Fiber/YouTube)

Estimated read time: 2-3 minutes

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SALT LAKE CITY — Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that Provo is inundated with the wonders of Google Fiber, and Salt Lake City is next on the list to receive the gift of incredible Internet speeds.

Despite all the joy and wonder that Google Fiber has given to so many Utahns, the company couldn’t help but give us one more life-bettering tool. But the online innovation is not for improvement of our Internet lives, but rather a tool that may greatly improve our physical, mental and spiritual lives forever more.

You read that right, and I think you’ll understand when you hear the Google Fiber has introduced a dial-up feature to their Internet services.

I can hear your incredulity now as you say, “Dial-up is a giant step back, you fool. It will only make everything slow and frustrating.”

Not according to Google Fiber, which introduced the feature with the slogan, “Dial-up and hug.”

In the video, the company claims that their users will enjoy the gift of newly found time with dial-up. We’ll have more time to call our mothers, load the dishwasher, hug our kids and center ourselves with meditation as we wait for an Internet connection.

As a bonus, if you find yourself unprepared while on a conference call, dial-up mode can easily give you an out by pixelating your video and making the audio jerky and incomprehensible, thus forcing the cancellation of the call.

But don’t take my word for it. You’ll be convinced by the arguments of the company’s Chief Mindfulness Officer, the testimonials from early users and other benefits and stats included in the video, and you too will feel compelled to use your extra time to dial-up and hug.

Of course, this is all a cute and harmless April Fool’s Day joke, but maybe call your mom and hug your kids anyway. And continue to enjoy your killer Internet, Provo. As for us Salt Lakers, I believe I speak for us all when I say the anticipation is better than Christmas.

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Martha Ostergar


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