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SALT LAKE CITY — Once, I was madly in love with a boy.
Everyone knows when you love someone, you make him a Mix Tape. And I loved him apparently only in a way that ‘N Sync could explain. But Mix Tapes have become a thing of the past. I was going to make my love a mixed CD. I was an awesome girlfriend like that.
I gathered my music and I drove to an Internet café. Don’t laugh. That’s how it was done. It’s hard to believe I paid money to “rip” songs and “burn” them onto a disc.
I must have been really proud of my CD because I let my mom listen to it before I gave it away. While we listened to the music, she starred at me. She had a look on her face I didn’t understand. The corners of her mouth were slightly turned up. Her eyes seemed softer. She looked at me — almost as if she looked past me, or through me. After the CD finished playing, she said, “You are sohappy.”
The corners of her mouth were slightly turned up. Her eyes seemed softer. She looked at me — almost as if she looked past me, or through me. After the CD finished playing, she said, "You are so happy."
She then continued, “When you were a little girl, it was easy to make you sohappy. A Happy Meal would do it. As kids get older, it gets so much harder to see such a smile on their face.” I didn’t truly understand what she was taking about, but I nodded and continued to smile.
The next day I gave that boy his mixed CD. He loved it and four months later he gave me a diamond ring. (Although I highly doubt the ring was the direct result of the CD. It was good, but not that good.)
Things have changed a lot since then. I prefer MP3s to CDs. But even more than that, I’m currently in love with three more boys. They call me “Mom.”
As a mom, I’ve noticed there is a magical expression a child you love gives you when they are happy beyond measure. When they’re babies, it’s easy to receive. All you have to do is walk into the room after nap time, or open the door after a long day at work. Their eyes sparkle and their smile fills their face. Just seeing you makes them sohappy. For just a moment — a brief moment — everything about them pauses. Joy pauses time.
Then children get bigger. And the effort needed to make them sohappy must also get bigger. At first, it’s just warm chocolate chip cookies or a really good knock-knock joke. But they keep getting bigger, and it continues to get harder to make them happy, truly happy.
It does still happen though. And when it does, I just stare at them. I watch their joy. The corners of my mouth turn up. My eyes soften. And as I stare, I can’t help but see glimpses of their past and their future.
It took awhile, but I now totally and completely understand what my own mom meant all those years ago when she said, “you are so happy.” Love will do that to you.
Nicole and her husband are raising four children, seven years and younger, including twin boys. She's learning to cherish each "truly happy" moment. Nicole owns Sidewalk Communications LLC and blogs at www.MyEverthingElse.com.
