'I was just an angry, broken kid,' says Utah man seeking parole after 25 years

SALT LAKE CITY — Darren Neil Grueber Jr. says when he first arrived at the Utah State Prison in 2003, he was still "angry, violent and lost."

Grueber was 18 years old on Oct. 10, 2001, when he helped kidnap 36-year-old Don Dorton, beat and bound him with duct tape, and then took him to an area near 4100 South and 8400 West, where he used an 87-pound rock to crush Dorton's head.

In November of 2002, Grueber was convicted of murder and aggravated kidnapping. Two months later, he was sentenced to a combined 20 years to life in prison.

On Tuesday, he went before the Utah Board of Pardons and Parole for the first time since the gruesome killing nearly 25 years ago.

During his first seven years in prison, Grueber says he spent a lot of time in isolation. He says during that time, he was left alone with his thoughts and had a lot of time to read over his case, including the victim impact statement Dorton's father submitted to the court at sentencing.

Grueber says he was struck by how composed and graceful the elder Dorton was.

"(I) couldn't imagine possibly having that much grace," Grueber said Tuesday. "I was defenseless in the face of his grace... I was in awe of it, to be honest with you. It touched something inside of me ... helped me come to the realization I don't want to be a loser my whole life."

During the hearing, parole board member Dan Bokovoy had Grueber recount what was going on in his life leading up to the time of the murder.

"We kind of did not have a very good life," Grueber said.

Grueber's family were members of the white supremacist gang Silent Aryan Warriors, and his father was in and out of prison during Grueber's childhood. His father was later shot and killed during a confrontation with police in 2007 at age 48.

Grueber says he became a member of the gang at 15, and noted that it was "something I was brought up around" and something he thought had "glory in it or respectable way of living."

On that day of the killing, Grueber and others were at a friend's residence, and there was a dispute over missing drugs. Dorton was blamed for the missing drugs. Prosecutors contended that Grueber brutally killed Dorton in an effort to gain clout with the gang.

"I think the truth of it is, I think I had a void inside of me. I was just an angry, broken kid," he said Tuesday. "(I was) taught that violence and fear was a way to gain respect from others."

But Grueber says it took him years to realize that "couldn't be further from the truth."

"It's not a tool that should be used to solve any situation," he said emotionally. "Says more about the person you are than any respect you deserve."

Grueber took long pauses and fought back tears as he recounted Dorton's death. He admitted Tuesday that he wasn't even sure Dorton took the drugs that were missing. Today, Grueber believes Dorton was "a lost soul" like he was and that the two might have even been friends.

Bokovoy pointed out during the hearing that Grueber has had many successes over the past 25 years while incarcerated. But he has also had a few setbacks, including his participation in distributing Suboxone within the prison around 2019-2020. It was after that incident that Grueber says he resigned from his leadership position in his gang.

"It was a no-brainer after that to get rid of my rank," he said.

Today, Grueber says he deals with pressure through meditation, exercise and journaling.

"I haven't been perfect in here, but when I make a mistake, I try to learn from it," he said, adding that he is most successful when he tries to be part of the solution instead of the problem.

"These last 25 years, I've struggled mightily to be worthy of a second chance — and it's not lost on me that Don doesn't get a second chance. Because of my actions, his father cannot hold him again," Grueber said. "I try to be worthy of the grace and compassion that Mr. Norton showed in his victim statement.

"That's not lost on me, that I might get a second chance and Don never will."

The full five-member board will now vote on whether to grant a parole date. Bokovoy told Grueber that "overall, I think you've been pretty good," and pointed to his years of not committing any disciplinary violations. But Bokovoy says the job of the board is to ensure public safety, and members will need to balance Grueber's crime with his institutional behavior.

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