UTAH STATE PRISON — A man who once faced a potential death sentence for the murder of his infant son made his first attempt at parole this week.

John Lindsay Austin, 49, of Ogden, pleaded guilty to a reduced charge of murder, a first-degree felony, in the death of his 4-month-old son Isaac in 2001. He was originally charged with capital murder. He was sentenced to five years to life in prison in 2002.

Tuesday was Austin's first parole hearing since being incarcerated.

As was the case during Austin's court proceedings years ago, there were two versions presented to parole board member Clark Harms about what happened. Austin said his horrible actions were the result of alcoholism and sleep deprivation. He noted that even when police arrived at his apartment, after more than an hour had passed, his blood-alcohol content still registered at 0.26, more than three times the legal limit for driving.

"I do not have a clear memory. I have images of what happened (that day)," Austin said in an audio recording of the hearing. "I cannot honestly tell you the series of events and the order. I just have flash images of me here, and him on the floor. I cannot honestly tell you where or what I was doing throughout that day."

But Austin's ex-wife and Isaac's mother, Heidi Parkin, contends the murder was premeditated. During Austin's trial in 2001, she said she believed Austin was consumed with jealousy because she adored their son so much. She believes Austin killed their son in a "violent rage of anger."

"This is not an accident caused by sleepwalking or bed wetting. … You had so many choices that day, and you chose to take an innocent life," an emotional Parkin said at the hearing, addressing her former husband. "Why could you not have taken my life?"

On Feb. 10, 2001, Austin said he was planning a special meal for his wife that night and was watching Isaac at the same time. But by that point of his life, he said whenever he was awake, he drank.

"I could not control my alcoholism, which I am thoroughly devastated. I really, really tried to control it. I kept thinking I could do it," he said.

Austin said blacking out was common. Looking back on how that day progressed, Austin said he can't remember exactly what happened.

"I know that I caused injuries to Isaac. I don't know what I was doing. I don't know if I was hindering, or hurting or helping, or what I was trying to do. I don't know if I was playing or being mean. I know I never had a harmful intent of Issac. I know that I loved him. I know that I wanted our family, I wanted to have a great day that day," he said.

Issac suffered brutal injuries, including 16 broken ribs, a lacerated liver, a bruised kidney and head injuries.

Heidi Parkin and her mother, Judy Parkin, became emotional as they asked the board to keep Austin in prison.

"He was the one who shook him until his eyes were no longer seen. He had a lacerated liver, 16 broken ribs, needle marks on his back, and the last thing, he put his hand over his nose and mouth to make sure he didn't cry or breath anymore," Judy Parkin said. "To this day, (15) years later, that question haunts this family, Why? He was an innocent baby that deserved to grow up and have a family of his own. We are not put here on earth to be killed by our own flesh and blood."

Judy Parkin said she wants Austin to "truly take responsibility" about what happened.

"Stop saying you don't remember. Give all of us the closure that we need," she pleaded. "Please John, face what you did and tell us why."

Heidi Parkin struggled to read her prepared letter.

"There's no parole hearing for Isaac. He never had a chance. The only plea he had was for his life when his father attacked him," she cried while reading. "I trusted you John. And Issac trusted you. Issac loved you and I will never be able to understand the thing you did to him."

Austin admitted to Harms that the women deserved answers, but insisted he was not lying or minimizing what he did.

Austin, who quoted from the Book of Mormon during his hearing, said he had turned his life around and would make the most of the rest of his life.

"I have made a thorough change from who I was," he said. "There is nothing I can do. And that's the most horrible thing to me. It sounds selfish, but it's the only way. The only thing I can do is to make sure I do right. I have no way to go back. I have no way to help or fix anything. What I can do from now on, and from the day that I decided, is to change my life, help other people, help other people in classes, help other people get an education."

Parole

The current sentencing guidelines suggest Austin should not be paroled earlier than 2021, Harms said. He said he'd likely recommend another parole hearing be held at that time. It will be up to the full five-member board to make the final decision.

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