You can break the cycle. 4 steps to becoming the transition person for your family

SALT LAKE CITY — It's a phrase that describes someone who acts as a family bridge to something better. So, are you the "transition person" for your family in this generation?

Dr. Matt Townsend said that every single person passes something down to the next generation. One person can break a pattern, a habit or a way of life that has been repeated for generations. He shared how to be that person for your family.

"You can hand down a change that your ancestors never made, and it's one that was, like, really messing your life up," Dr. Townsend said.

The idea of changing a multigenerational pattern can feel impossible. But he said one person can really make a big change.

"We know one person can mess it all up," he said. "And if so one can mess it all up, one could actually probably clean it all up as well."

That change starts with one person deciding things will be different moving forward.

Take the Wheel of Your Life

The first step to becoming a transition person is taking ownership of your life instead of letting old habits control it.

"You gotta take the wheel," Dr. Townsend said. "If we just go autopilot, then we keep just trusting the pattern to get us home. But the pattern will never get us home."

He said to break the cycle, you need to become "response able."

"Increase your ability to make the responses you need to make," Dr. Townsend explained. " I can roll up my sleeves. I can choose to treat the anxiety ... Whatever it is."

See & Feel the Future You're Fighting For

Breaking the negative habit is just one part of the process. He said just because a family pattern is familiar doesn't mean it's serving you.

"It's not working, it just hasn't killed you yet," Dr. Townsend said.

Taking away the behavior leaves a void. If you want lasting change, you need to replace it with something better. He said to create a clear picture of the future you want that is specific and personal.

"What would it look like in five years on a Tuesday, normal Tuesday night, if you could actually start to overcome your anxiety?" he asked. "What would the kids be like? What would our interactions be like? What would our talks with our spouse be like?"

He said to envision what the change would actually do for your life because it creates a feeling. Don't focus on escaping what you don't like. It works better to get inspired by what you could be moving toward.

"Once I have that deeper yes, I can start to manage the no's of my life a lot better," he said. "Now you're not just trying to overcome a gap. Now you're actually pulled by something bigger, a bigger purpose, a bigger passion."

Break Automatic Thought Loops That Keep You Stuck

Dr. Townsend emphasized that people often say, "That's just how my family is."

"That's the automatic thought. That's the automatic script that our mind would love us to keep doing," he explained.

You don't need to accept that narrative, you can choose to change it.

"Despite the fact that my family has done this for generations, I'm choosing to become the change," Dr. Townsend said.

That mindset shift can become the start of an entirely different future.

Build Your Ideal Transition Team

Personal responsibility matters, but Dr. Townsend said that transformation doesn't usually happen alone.

"We need a team to help us do it," he emphasized. "Get the people that are champions. Find the people that are already good at the anxiety and the anger."

If your struggles need professional help, find it.

"Get the professional help that you need to make it work," Dr. Townsend said.

Find more advice from Dr. Matt Townsend at matttownsend.com.

This story originally aired on KSL TV and has been reformatted for a digital audience using artificial intelligence.