How Utahns swear without using profanity

Well, gosh darn it all. This may shock you, but Utahns do not have the cleanest mouths in the nation.

According to a 2021 study by Thrillist, that honor belongs to Virginia — the state deemed to use profanity the least.

But don't worry. Utah came in at a respectable No. 5 on the list, just behind Iowa, Alaska and New Mexico, with Virginia at the top.

Part of the reason for the high ranking is that Utahns cleverly swap out traditional swear words in favor of softer variants that won't get them in trouble with their elders.

If you've run into many frustrated Utahns, you've likely overheard a few, if not all, of these. And you might learn a few things, too.

Utah: Mincing oaths since 1896

In case you're not familiar with the term, the Cambridge Dictionary defines a minced oath as "a word or phrase that is used instead of saying an offensive word, often humorously."

Given that Mormon pioneers famously settled the Utah territory in the 1800s, it makes sense that the squeaky-clean culture of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would have a strong influence in the local vernacular.

If your grandpa stubs his toe, he might exclaim, "Dagnabbit!"

When you tell your sister some shocking news, she might respond with, "Oh my heck!"

And if you were a particularly rebellious teenager back in the day, words like "flip" and "fetch" might have flown from your mouth on a few choice occasions.

The funny thing about this last one is that it's almost uniquely Utahn. To the rest of the world, it's a command you give a dog. But for Utahns, it's how you express frustration.

Do you know what you're saying?

Fake swear words have been around for so long and evolved so much through the years, that's it's very likely that the sweet soul in your circle who uses them might not fully realize their true intent. Next time you hear Grandma dropping one of these, you might want to give her a heads up.

Some words or phrases evolve through the years, but some have stood the test of time. Some of the classics include:

• Gosh/golly. Believe it or not, this substitute for blasphemy has been around since the 1700s — if not earlier.
• Tarnation. A polite way of saying "damnation," since the real word is clearly too strong.
• Drat. This seemingly harmless word has a pretty biting origin. According to Idiom Origins, people would direct it as someone they would want God to rot. Fun!
• Sam Hill. Imagine how many Sam Hills in the world would be devastated to know that their name is actually a euphemism for the unspeakable word of "hell."
• Shucks. It may sound like something a bashful person says when they're given a sincere compliment, but don't be fooled. It's a replacement for that other four-letter word that starts with "sh."
• Fiddlesticks. If an elderly person ever yelled, "Ah, fiddlesticks!" then feel free to wipe their mouths out with soap and water. That's a replacement for another f-word. Shame on you, grandpa.
• Fudge. Yep. Pull that bar of soap out again. You already know what this one means.

Modern pseudo swear words and phrases

Most of the list above feels like something you might hear on a black-and-white TV Land rerun in the middle of the day. But the modern Utahn has adapted with the times and thus adopted a few new phrases.

Some of these aren't uniquely Utah, of course. But they're part of the ever-growing vocabulary of people who want to express extreme frustration without actually getting themselves in trouble for swearing. Among them, you might hear:

• Shut the front door! A dramatic substitute for a more colorful expression of disbelief.
• What the fudge? A family-friendly way to express confusion, surprise or mild outrage.
• Son of a nutcracker! An especially wholesome way to express frustration when something goes terribly wrong. Think: Buddy the Elf.
• Holy guacamole! Usually reserved for moments of extreme surprise. Guacamole is apparently much less offensive than the original phrase.
• Oh my heck! A phrase that instantly brands you as Utahn, it works well for shock, frustration or disbelief.
• What the fetch? A distinctly Utah-flavored cousin of "what the heck?" with a touch more salt.
• Freakin', flippin' or fetchin.' These can be used to reiterate just how extremely good or bad one found a particular experience to be. ("That was freakin' awesome!" Or "I just took a flippin' hard test.")
• Dang it! Short, versatile and appropriate for everything from dropping your phone to discovering you forgot your keys.
• Shoot! Perhaps the simplest option of all — and a particularly useful one when something goes wrong at exactly the wrong moment.

These likely require no further explanation. The beauty of a pseudo swear is that everyone knows what you mean. You don't actually have to say the bad word for everyone in the room to hear it anyway.

Is fake swearing good for you?

Now here's a hot topic for debate. In many people's view, swearing helps release pent-up frustration or stress. In fact, some say it's actually good for your health.

In the hilariously titled PubMed Central study "Frankly, we do give a damn: improving patient outcomes with swearing," researchers came to a fascinating conclusion about cursing.

They found that swearing was physically and socially therapeutic. It reportedly strengthened bonds between patients and physical therapists, improved social pain and increased patients' physical pain threshold.

"Even physical performance measures, such as power and force could be enhanced if patients swear," the study states.

As for substitute swear words, the research isn't nearly as robust. Still, there may be something to be said for the emotional release. If shouting "son of a nutcracker!" keeps you from yelling something you'll regret at the person who just cut you off, that's arguably a win.

Apologies to the young and impressionable

While this has all been in good fun and hopefully elicited a "guffaw" or two, there may be some who don't appreciate the fact that their children have now been given a crash course in Utah swearing.

If that's the case, there's only one thing left to say:

Shoot.

Sorry.

10 Utah stereotypes that are probably very accurate

Obviously, not everyone in the Beehive State fits these stereotypes. But some are certainly more accurate than others. Here are a few that just might be true.

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