BYU's Kalani Sitake wants program built on love, but also preaches accountability

PROVO — BYU football coach Kalani Sitake's "love and learn" mentality has often made him a respected voice within the college football community, both for the nature of the phrase and what it means in leading the program at the flagship university of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

That philosophy has been tested during his decade overseeing his alma mater. But "love" does not overshadow "learn" — or accountability — for anyone in the program, he said.

A day after news broke that BYU reserve linebacker Ephraim Asiata had been arrested on suspicion of DUI a month ago, Sitake said during a gathering of reporters at the Cougars' fourth-annual media golf tournament that accountability is key to the program — both on and off the field.

"My job is to love these guys. But love doesn't mean the absence of accountability and the opportunity to learn," said Sitake, who didn't refer to Asiata by name. "It means that you seek these opportunities to teach.

"My focus isn't how to get them back on the football field," he added. "My focus is what type of young men are they going to be when they leave? What kind of husbands and fathers are they going to be? And what kind of contributors to the community are they going to be? That's what I'm focused on."

Asiata was arrested July 2 in Provo and charged with driving under the influence, first offense in 10 years, a class B misdemeanor; using a proof of age containing false information, a class A misdemeanor; purchase, possession and consumption by a minor, a class B misdemeanor; driving with an open container in vehicle, a class C misdemeanor; and providing a peace officer with false personal info, a class C misdemeanor, according to charging documents.

He was also charged with failure to operate within a single lane and a driver license violation, both infractions. Asiata was released on $2,500 bail and scheduled to report for an in-person hearing in August.

The former Herriman High linebacker survived a shooting as a teenager that doctors said left him with a 1% chance to live before signing to BYU over offers from USC, Utah, San Diego State and Tennessee, among others.

BYU said in a short statement that it was aware of Asiata's case, which is "currently under evaluation by the university" after the redshirt sophomore pass rusher from West Valley City played in 11 games of last year's 12-2 campaign that included an 8-1 record in Big 12 play.

The Cougars usually update the roster at the start of training camp, which Sitake said will start next Tuesday with the first practice scheduled for Wednesday.

"I want our guys to be faith-driven, but I want them to be focused on learning and opportunities that you can learn with love. We're in a situation right now where people talk about mistakes — and I want all of our guys to do everything perfectly," Sitake said. "As a leader and a head coach, that's my emphasis: to try to get these guys to be at their best all of the time, whether that's on the field, off the field or in the classroom. That's the goal.

"I'm not able to talk about specifics and stuff like that; it's up to our players how they want to let people know where they are at with the team and their eligibility," he added. "But our emphasis has always been on them being the best person that they can be. Football is not on the priority list; football is actually a privilege that they get to enjoy by being at their best."

Sitake, who was a three-year starter at fullback under legendary coach LaVell Edwards from 1998-2000, remains confident in the approach.

"We're teaching the right concepts," he added. "When things are going well, the culture of love and learn thrives. And it definitely thrives if things aren't going well. When we're going through some adversity, it thrives as well. The concept is to love them and to teach them to avoid catastrophic mistakes — and for the most part, they will do it. The majority of them will do it.

"But just because we love you doesn't mean that you escape accountability and responsibility and trying to find ways to seek restitution. The road to redemption is usually tough and hard. But we focus on what makes it right, and then we handle things in a Christ-like way, which means that you bring accountability, and then you bring appreciation — but also teach these young men why behaviors are happening a certain way and not focus on the deed, but why this behavior is happening."

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