Your worrying about the wrong things. 3 places parents should actually put their focus

SALT LAKE CITY — What if some of our biggest parenting stressors aren't helping our kids at all? KSL Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson said we need to rethink the pressure we put on everyday things at home.

She emphasized that when we spend less time worrying about the wrong things, we create more room for the things that truly support our kids' confidence, connection, and mental health. Johnson shared three things parents should actually focus on.

The Emotions Underneath

Eye rolls, sighs and sarcasm from teens do get frustrating, but Johnson said focusing on the behavior itself misses the real issue.

"We become obsessive about the delivery and what they're hearing from us is ... 'There's no place for me to share my emotions. It's not safe for me to have feelings,'" she explained. "We wanna put our energy into figuring out what the emotion is underneath."

She said instead to respond with, "Hey, something's going on here. Can we talk about it?" When you stop taking your teens behavior personally and start finding out what's behind it, you're able to connect better.

Authentic Interests and Well-Being

Parents often pour a lot of energy into their child's achievement. Sports, music lessons, clubs, service projects, leadership positions, language classes, the list goes on. Johnson worries that modern parenting is too focused on creating impressive resumes.

"It puts them in a position where they feel like their worth is predicated on their performance, where they're not enough if they don't achieve," she explained. "It also puts them in a position where they are taught that rest is bad, that recovery isn't acceptable."

Johnson said parents should help kids identify their genuine interests instead of pushing them to collect accomplishments.

"It is much more important that our teenagers find one thing they love than five things they tolerate," she emphasized.

Better communication and connection

We can stay connected with our kids at all times now, thanks to technology. That can feel reassuring, but for teens, it can feel exhausting.

"Text me when you leave. Text me when you get there. I'm gonna call you four times while you're there. I'm gonna ask you what you're doing while you're there. Text me when you are leaving to drive home," Johnson said. "It puts them in this position where they don't feel like we trust them."

Johnson said this may the quietest mental health drain in a home. Instead of constant communication, she said to be more consistent and intentional.

"Imagine if before they left we said to them, 'Hey, while you're out with your friends, this activity tonight, what would be a good cadence for us to keep in touch?'" she suggested.

She also recommended taking a quick pause before reaching for the phone to call your teen.

"Be sure you're asking, 'Is this urgent or uncomfortable?'" she said. "If it's uncomfortable, don't send the text and don't make the phone call."

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.