Estimated read time: 4-5 minutes
- Ashton Holbrook uses his grief to help others after losing his daughter.
- Holbrook's daughter, Madelyn, died in a 2015 crash involving a semitruck.
- Holbrook now offers support to grieving parents through Riverside Counseling in Blackfoot.
IDAHO FALLS — Nearly 10 years after losing his 7-year-old daughter in a devastating car crash, an Idaho father is using his own experience with grief to help others navigate unimaginable loss.
Ashton Holbrook remembers the tragedy like it was yesterday. His wife, Elena Holbrook, was driving home to Blackfoot with their four young children. It was two days before Thanksgiving 2015, and they had all just enjoyed lunch at Five Guys in Pocatello.
Elena was driving north on I-15 near Fort Hall when a semitruck heading south blew a tire, crossed the median and collided with their pickup truck.
"I remember getting a call from a bystander telling me my wife had been in an accident," Ashton Holbrook tells EastIdahoNews.com. "By the time I reached the freeway, traffic was backed up for miles. I was yelling at people to let me through — 'My family's up there!'"
When he finally arrived at the crash site, a medical helicopter was landing on the freeway. It was then that an Idaho State Police trooper pulled him aside and delivered the news no parent should ever hear: his daughter, Madelyn, had not survived.
"I remember screaming and dropping to the ground," Holbrook says. "And then I had this moment where I told myself, 'You have a wife and kids who need you. Get up.' I shut everything off and went into survival mode."
Elena was critically injured and nearly lost one of her feet. She suffered severe trauma that required six surgeries within days following the crash. The three younger children – ages 1, 3, and 5 – had minor injuries.
Anger, guilt, and the long road to healing
At the time of the crash, Holbrook was working as a counselor with the Idaho Department of Health and Welfare. Despite his professional training, he said nothing could prepare him for the reality of losing a child.
"I knew all the theories about grief," he says. "But there's no textbook that can teach you what it's like to live with it every single day."
The truck driver, Terry Laeger, was charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter after investigators found he operated the commercial truck with minimal tire tread. According to reports, the front left tire had minimal tread and some areas were below 2/32 of an inch. State law requires tread depth above 4/32 of an inch.
The balding tire was rated not to exceed 50 mph, but Laeger told investigators he was traveling around 75 mph when the crash occurred.
As part of a plea agreement, the vehicular manslaughter charge was dropped, and Laegar pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor motor carrier safety violation. He was ordered to serve one year of probation and perform 96 hours of community service.
Holbrook testified at the hearing and gave Laeger a photo of Madelyn.
"People told me it was kind of me to do that, but I didn't do it out of forgiveness. I wanted him to feel the weight of what happened — to feel some of the pain I felt," Holbrook explains.
For years, Holbrook has battled waves of anger toward the driver, the world and himself. It wasn't until he underwent EMDR therapy, a trauma treatment known as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, that he began to find peace.
"What I discovered was that my anger came from feeling like I failed as a father," he says. "My job was to protect my children, and I didn't. Even though I know it wasn't my fault, that belief ran deep. Once I accepted that truth, my anger turned into motivation."
Helping others
Today, Holbrook runs Riverside Counseling in Blackfoot. He says demand for mental health services across eastern Idaho is higher than ever.
"I'm booked out about eight weeks," he said. "Anxiety and depression are driving most people who come in. And yes, social media is a big part of it. It creates false comparisons that make people feel inadequate."
Since his daughter died, Holbrook has quietly reached out to parents who have lost children. When he sees local obituaries or news stories about a child's death, he contacts the family to offer support.
Holbrook says his own family's healing has been a long and painful journey, but one that ultimately brought him and Elena closer together.
"This weekend we celebrate 23 years of marriage," he said. "Losing a child magnifies what's already there in a relationship. For us, it pulled us closer. We've always faced things together."
Holbrook often tells his clients, and anyone struggling with loss, that time can be the greatest healer.
"Everyone listening has survived 100% of their worst days," he says. "You've made it this far, and you can keep going. Grief doesn't have to define your life — it can shape it."
He invites anyone who has lost a child to reach out and speak with him – not as a counselor, but as someone who knows what it's like. Holbrook can be contacted through his Psychology Today profile or by email at emotionalflexibility@gmail.com.
"Therapy isn't weakness," he says. "It's courage. You don't have to go through this alone."
"I just want them to know they're not alone," he said. "When Maddie died, someone who had lost a child reached out to me. That one conversation changed everything. It made me feel understood."
