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SALT LAKE CITY — A daddy blogger is getting some heat from parents and fellow bloggers for admitting he had a favorite child, and then identifying that child in a blog post.
Is such an admission a good idea? A mother and a psychiatrist KSL News spoke with Tuesday both cautioned against it.
We all want to feel special, and Linda Zenger said that should be every parent's goal. She has seven kids — her oldest is 24 years old and married; her youngest is 9.
If I were to be absolutely honest, my older son is my favorite of the two. He and I are adventurous partners in crime.
–Buzz Bishop, blogger
"We want to feel like we have things that are unique, that we can contribute to the world," she said said.
In her opinion, blogger Buzz Bishop probably shouldn't have used "favorite" to describe his older son because parents have different stages in their kids' lives they like best.
"Some love that little newborn stage, where they can love and cuddle; and some love the toddler stage, where they're learning to walk; and some think the teenage stage is so fun, where they're (nearly) adults," Zenger said.
The controversy started a week ago when Bishop wrote a post on Babble.com, saying: "If I were to be absolutely honest, my older son is my favorite of the two. He and I are adventurous partners in crime."
After outrage from readers and other bloggers, he wrote a follow-up blog. But Bishop didn't back down.
#poll
"I admit it: my oldest son is my favorite because he can do more things," he wrote. "To me, he's more fun. I don't love either of my sons any more than the other, but I do like them differently. I'd be willing to bet you're the same."
"I would guess that most of us parents would feel that way, but many of us may not say that in public," said Dr. Travis Mickelson, a physician specializing in pediatric behavioral health at Primary Children's Medical Center.
Mickelson said it's human nature for parents to have children they "click" with better, or whose personality best "meshes" with theirs, but parents should be cautions and fair.
Mickelson added that research shows even the perception of favoritism from a parent has been linked to anxiety, depression and behavioral problems as children grow to adulthood.
"When 80- to 90-year-olds were asked about memories of their childhood, they were all quickly able to identify favoritism," Michelson said.
He suggested one thing parents can do to make each child feel special, and feel like they are a "favorite," is to spend equal time with each kid doing his or her favorite activities.
