You can stop comparing yourself to others. 5 secrets to be happier in your own life

SALT LAKE CITY — A friend gets promoted and you're genuinely happy for them, and then immediately wonder why your career isn't moving. Your neighbor renovates their kitchen, and suddenly your cabinets look beat up. Your friend posts family vacation photos, and you feel bummed you haven't left town all summer.

We're wired to compare ourselves to others, but leadership expert Patrick Dickerson said that instinct is quietly costing us more than we realize in our friendships, our marriages and how we parent.

"The comparison really isn't the problem, it's the symptom." he explained. "We've gotta start looking at people's strengths as a way to build our own strengths instead of comparing ourselves to others all the time."

When we see someone else's achievement as evidence that we're falling behind, comparison is discouraging. When we see it as inspiration or proof of what's possible, it's productive.

"Stronger relationships are not built when everyone tries to be the best," he emphasized. "They're built when everyone tries to bring their best."

Shift From Scarcity to Abundance

Dickerson said to shift from scarcity to abundance with a "yes" mindset.

"Instead of saying, 'Hey, this person has a lot better talents than me,' you say, 'This person has great talents and I also have great talents that I can contribute,'" he explained. "You're literally replacing the word 'but' with 'and.'"

That one word turns comparison into abundance by allowing both strengths to exist at the same time.

Dickerson also emphasized that different isn't better. He shared an experience of a drive through Texas. In the same fields, there were wind turbines and oil pumps. Most people think of those energy sources as competitors, but Dickerson said they both have value.

"They also have complementary strengths to each other," he noted. "They both provide energy."

The same applies to people. In friendships, families or workplaces, differences can become assets with the right perspective.

Celebrate Complementary Strengths

Dickerson said healthy relationships are built on complementing others rather than competing with them.

"The people around us weren't designed to compete with us, they were designed to complete us," he said.

Instead of seeing another person's talents as a threat, we can see them as something that contributes to the group as a whole. Just like different energy sources can work together, people bring their own unique abilities that strengthen families, teams and communities.

"We can all use those complementary strengths to help build each other up," Dickerson said.

Focus on Contribution Instead of Comparison

Dickerson said we often ask ourselves, "How do I measure up?" But, he said a better question to ask is, "How can I contribute as well?" That question moves your focus away from rank and toward your impact.

"I might not have the skill that this one person has, but I have skills that I can bring to the table," he explained. "Comparison asks who is better. Contribution asks what can we do to all be better together."

When you start focusing on how your can contribute, your self-confidence increases.

"A person who stops comparing themselves to others... discovers greater confidence in themselves," Dickerson explained. "As we learn to appreciate others, we just do better."

When people stop competing, relationships get stronger. Families, friendships and partnerships thrive when you focus on what you can offer rather than how you compare.

Dickerson said this mindset starts in the family. The lessons kids learn at home become the lens they view relationships with everywhere else.

"If you can start it at home, then it can perpetuate out into the community, in the workforce, and many other places as well," he explained.

Find more advice from Patrick Dickerson at xcelspeaking.com.

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.