If you can't find happiness, you might be stuck. 5 things that are holding you back

SALT LAKE CITY — At your job, in your relationships, in life, if you're running a little low on happiness, Dr. Matt Townsend said you're not missing something, you're stuck on something.

He shared five things standing between you and real joy.

"A lot of it's just taking away some things that are blocking the happiness," he said.

He compared happiness to a river.

"The river doesn't always have a permanent destination. It just kind of rolls and goes," he explained. "It gets caught up, sometimes it gets dammed."

Like a river, sometimes we find ourselves stuck on emotional debris that keeps us from moving forward.

Cancel the Grudge Before It Cancels You

"You gotta cancel those grudges," Dr. Townsend emphasized.

Many people unknowingly carry old hurts that keep affecting their lives for years. He compared grudges to deep ruts in a road.

"If you keep driving on ruts, the ruts just get deeper and deeper until they're really hard to get out of," he said.

Grudges are really difficult when we put the burden on the other person to fix things.

"You don't have to," he said. "You're the only one holding it really, and you're the only one hurting from it."

He recommended writing a letter to the person you're holding a grudge against.

"Get it out there. Get it out on the paper," Dr. Townsend said.

After expressing everything you need to say, he said to create an ending.

"Light it on fire. You can let it go. You can tear it up," he said.

He explained that this helps you release the emotional energy that's keeping you stuck.

Quit Letting Other People Push Your Buttons

Another obstacle to happiness is giving other people too much influence over your emotions.

"They know the button to push," Dr. Townsend said. "If they have a button to push, it's your button."

Other people's comments, actions or behaviors can only trigger wounds that already exist. Dr. Townsend said not to focus solely on the person pushing the button, but to look inward.

"Go figure out where that wound came from," he said.

Understanding your sensitivities helps you regain control rather than being reactive whenever someone pushes your buttons.

Skip the Empty Calories of Negativity

"Negativity is the fast food. It's the junk food of life," Dr. Townsend said.

Just like poor eating habits can lead to cravings for more unhealthy food, dwelling on negativity trains you to seek out problems, complaints and frustrations.

"If you get too much catharsis and benefit from your negativity, you're gonna keep looking for negativity," he explained.

To break the cycle, Dr. Townsend recommended intentionally focusing on what's working well.

"Let's just get rid of the negativity by trying to find three things every day that are really positive and good for our life," he suggested.

Retire Your "Same Old Story"

Many of us have a set of explanations we repeat whenever we face a challenge.

"We all have a bunch of stories," he said. "'I'm just busy...' If you're using a story that you tell over and over, that's a story that makes it so you never have to fix what's really going on," Dr. Townsend explained.

He said to replace the excuses with the truth.

"Why is it I really don't exercise?" he asked as an example. "I don't prioritize health."

The truth can be uncomfortable, but it creates an opportunity for growth and change.

Stop Letting Your Fears Call the Shots

We are often trapped by worries about things we hope never happen. The problem is, fear grows when it's vague. Dr. Townsend recommended a simple exercise.

"I like to just ask myself, 'So then what?'" he explained.

By walking through the scenario and its consequences, you will discover that even uncomfortable situations are survivable. Eventually, you'll realize the thing you're afraid of isn't the end of the story. It's just an event you can handle and move past.

"If you do that long enough, you'll realize in a day or two, it's over," Dr. Townsend said.

Find more advice from Dr. Matt Townsend at matttownsend.com.

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.