Why are we extroverts or introverts? 5 science-based reasons we are the way we are

SALT LAKE CITY — It's easy to slap a label on your partner, like: "You're just an introvert," or "You're such an extrovert." But Dr. Matt Townsend said really understanding what is behind those personality descriptions can help you really understand the people around you.

He explained how a lot of us think that extroverts like people and introverts don't, but it's actually not really about people.

"It's not what we think it's about," he said. "They don't hate people, and they don't love people."

Many couples worry that having different personality styles will create problems.

"I had a client the other day that one's an introvert, one's an extrovert, and they're starting to really question if they should be together," Dr. Townsend mentioned.

He emphasized that yes, introverts and extroverts they can work together. The problem isn't the personality difference itself. It's misunderstanding what those differences mean. Instead of assuming a partner is difficult or incompatible, Dr. Townsend said to look deeper and find out what's happening beneath the surface. He also explained that not everyone falls neatly into one of two categories.

"There's another thing called an ambivert," he explained. "An ambivert is kind of the best of both worlds."

An ambivert may enjoy socializing and connecting with people while still needing significant time alone to recharge. That's why personality type isn't always as obvious as it seems. Someone may seem outgoing while still functioning more like an introvert behind the scenes.

Dr. Townsend gave five science-based reasons we tend to be either extroverts, introverts or ambiverts.

It's About How You Convert Your Energy

Dr. Townsend said the biggest misunderstanding is where these different personality styles get energy.

"Extroverts get energy outside of themselves," Dr. Townsend said.

They seek out stimulation, activity and interaction with other people to recharge. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to replenish themselves through quiet reflection, solitude and their own thoughts.

"Introverts get energy from inside themself," he explained.

Understanding this difference shifts the conversation from liking people to what energizes or drains a person.

It's About How You Think and Process Information

Dr. Townsend said personality type also influences how people think.

"Introverts think deeply," he explained. "They need to… sift through stuff with people to get the ideas."

They take time to think through things internally before sharing them. Extroverts use conversation as part of their thinking process.

"The extrovert probably talks more to think," he said. "The introvert thinks more before they talk."

Depth Versus Breadth of Information

Extroverts usually like to meet lots of different people and have many conversations. Introverts are the opposite.

"The extrovert likes to go way wide and touch everybody," Dr. Townsend explained. "The introvert likes to just go deeper."

An extrovert might spend an evening talking to lots of different people while an introvert would spend that same time having a meaningful two-hour conversation with one person.

Energy Comes From Different Sources

Dr. Townsend said couples should appreciate the unique strengths each personality brings instead of trying to change each other.

"Let's just start to use it and understand it," he said. "See if we can't leverage each other's gifts."

An introvert can bring depth, reflection and thoughtful analysis while an extrovert can bring energy, connection and broad perspectives. When couples recognize their strengths, they become complements rather than sources of conflict.

Silence Means Different Things

Dr. Townsend explained that silence is something that each personality type views differently. For introverts, quiet can feel comfortable and restorative. It creates space to think and recharge.

"Silence for the introvert is a source to go find peace," he explained. "Silence for the extrovert is a source that we need to fill up with some noise."

Since extroverts often feel energized through interaction, they naturally may want to fill quiet moments with conversation or activity. This difference can create misunderstandings. One partner may see silence as relaxing, while the other experiences it as awkward or uncomfortable.

To better understand a partner with the opposite personality style, Dr. Townsend said to start with curiosity.

"Just start noticing the energy," he said.

Pay attention to how the other person recharges, processes information and approaches social situations. Ask questions about what works and what feels draining.

Find more advice from Dr. Matt Townsend at matttownsend.com.

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.

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