LEHI — Most people in Utah seldom hear the "n-word." But it can simmer below the surface. We hear it in popular culture and in rap music. Some African-American comedians use it regularly, as though a term of endearment. So, is that OK? Who decides?

A Lehi youth basketball league invited civil rights leader Pastor France Davis to get the conversation going last month.

"Words can be brutal," said Pastor Davis. "Words can hurt. Words will last. And always remember that once you say it, you can never take it back."

That racial slur surfaced in a basketball game for 12- and 13-year-olds in Lehi. Isaiah Smith said that a black player on the opposing team called her son, Isaiah, the "n-word."

"I was shocked," Smith said. "Usually my friends don't say it."

His mother, Tamu, said the referees and other adults did nothing during the game, and only admitted it happened afterwards. Smith was raised to never use that word, but said he hears it in school.

"It's a word to them," Smith said. "Like how they use 'stupid' all the time, or something, it's just the same for them."

An apology was made later, and accepted. That became the launching point for a broader conversation.

"Let's go ahead and grasp this moment, and take an opportunity to make a better league, a better part of the community, that helps to have better kids," said league administrator Josh Kallunki.

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Pastor Davis marched with Martin Luther King, Jr. He said we're all in this together. When we use offensive language, it disrespects all of us.

"People who are not target of the word need to be stepping up and saying we will not tolerate it," he said.

Davis is being asked to give these talks much more often, and travels across the state. He said in Utah, we can lose track of which words are offensive to others, because of the relatively small number of people of color. Utah is 86 percent white, but only 1.1 percent black.

"That's changing fast now and we had best learn now how to deal with that, because we are going to have to face-to-face deal with it, sooner or later," Pastor Davis said.

The NAACP opposes use of the word and has appealed to the black community not to use it. But, it is not fading away.

Davis said it's important for all of us to understand what is racist.

"It's becoming a bigger problem, and I think the problem has to do with the fact that Mr. Obama is the President of the United States," Pastor Davis said. "We feel like we can say anything we want about him. If we can do that about him, we can say anything about a person who is of African-American heritage."

Several young people spoke with KSL said they know offensive words when they hear them.

"You can also hurt the other person's feelings, and that's just not right either," said sixth-grader Noah Dansie.

Santaquin student Taylor Hanson said his peers use it "a lot" for the shock value.

"What other people say, it doesn't stick with you," Hanson said. "It doesn't define who you are and what kind of person you are."

Parents like Tamu Smith want to know that their kids won't be bullied with racial slurs. She said no one can use that negative word and make it a positive, especially with the volatile history it has.

"You cannot take ownership of it, because the minute it leaves your mouth you don't get to decide how somebody else is going to use it," she said.

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