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How can a family get children to engage in the work of keeping some kind of order? Seven tips can guide parents as they teach children the responsibility of helping out at home.
Responsibility check
First, understand how much each child already exhibits a sense of responsibility, which can go a long way. The child who naturally is conscientious and neat may need little in the way of external motivation to get chores done; the child who doesn’t yet grasp how to be internally motivated may need regular lessons in what responsibility is (parents can even read books that illustrate the trait, as suggested by educator Lisa Stamps on Duke University’s TIP program website). Some external motivation, at least for a while, may be necessary.
Make chores fun
External motivation can include a variety of methods. As sociologist Christine Carter wrote for Parents, sometimes certain chores can be made fun: “Do the laundry while pretending to be robots or characters from a favorite movie, or have a room-to-room singing contest where each child takes turns singing one song (loudly!) from the room he is cleaning up.”
Photo credit: Walt Disney Co.
Incentives are a great motivator
Sometimes, rewards might be necessary, at least while a child is learning the values of contributing to the good of the family and being a hard worker. A number of methods are presented online, such as simply using a chart with check marks that, accrued, earn privileges, as James Lehman writes for Empowering Parents.
Use a timer
Lehman also suggests setting a timer for certain tasks that must be done regularly. “You can say, ‘All right, the dishes have to be done in 20 minutes.’ If they’re not done in 20 minutes, then your child’s bedtime is earlier,” or something similar that will work for your child.
Challenge your kid(s)
Carter writes that keeping a child challenged is important. If a child is able to complete a task with help, then try allowing her to do it on her own. When she can do it on her own, see how fast she can do it without compromising the quality of the work.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
Turn the show off
Lehman tells parents it’s vital to be able to “stop the show” when chores aren’t being done. Stop everything and talk about it. Psychologist Thomas Brunner says there need to be immediate consequences, particularly with younger children. He writes, “Consequences can come in two forms: taking things away or introducing unpleasant tasks.” Privileges such as screen time can be reduced (perhaps in increments) or a child can be assigned another chore that must be done immediately.
Sound structure
Structure is vital. Decide as a family what (age-appropriate) chores family members will do, including those that need doing daily and those that occur weekly. Write down and post what chores need doing and include deadlines, and be sure to stick to the plan. Lehman writes that it is helpful to have everyone doing chores at the same time, whether it’s evenings or Saturday mornings.
Chores teach children they are part of a bigger whole: a family. And they teach them the value of responsibility they will need for the rest of their lives, whether it’s in school, at work or in their own future families.
As Stamps writes for Duke, “(Children’s) organizational skills improve at home and at school when (they) act responsibly. Conscientious students understand that they have a responsibility to learn and to reach their fullest potential. The intrinsic reward of a job well done will motivate your children to carry out other tasks that contribute to the home or the classroom.”