Strategies for keeping Thanksgiving free from drama

Strategies for keeping Thanksgiving free from drama

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SALT LAKE CITY — Many see Thanksgiving as a time for gratitude, good food and family time. That goal doesn't always reflect reality. For some, gathering with family can lead to a lot of stress.

Wasatch Family Therapy Executive Director Julie Hanks believes family gatherings can dredge up past hurts.

"Two siblings who used to be rivals may start fighting again, even though they are 50 years old," Hanks said. "I mean, we kind of fall into old patterns."

Hanks said the black sheep in the family may feel left out, even though he or she is a full grown adult.

Add the stress of trying to host the "perfect event" and Hanks said people sometimes set themselves up for disaster.

"Rather than having a perfect holiday with no conflict, I say go for an authentic holiday, which means some things aren't going to go perfectly" Hanks said. "It doesn't need to be perfect. And having that expectation of no conflict can actually create more conflict."

Hanks said the most important thing is to make sure your guests feel welcomed and loved. Even when things get cozy at the dinner table, Hanks said you can keep the peace by avoiding controversial topics that beg for debate.

"Just assume, 'oh they must be really tired.' It's easy to get around family members and get offended or be hurt. But, if you assume everyone's doing the best they can, you have the power to enjoy your holiday a lot more," Hanks said.

Hanks' best advice is to allow the past stay in the past.

"Make sure you conduct yourself like the grown up that you are, instead of the child that you once were."

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