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I have a lot of experience with people and relationships. Sometimes, the hardest part of my job is to help a person to recognize the need to bridge the differences between them and their partner. It is easy to get caught in the trap, "My way is the best or only way of doing things." This is what I see with couples who come in and only want their spouse to change in order to improve their marriage. Unfortunately, this attitude is a sure-fire way to kill congenial feelings between two people. Whether it is a marriage, or parents and children, or even amongst neighbors, we need to learn how to bridge differences.
Here are some ways to make a bridge if you sense a gap between two differing sides:
1. In order to help people feel included in a group or a neighborhood or even a family, you need to step out of your comfort zone. It might be easier to chat with an old friend than to someone new whose interests you might not know or understand. But by engaging them in conversation and learning about them, they will feel integrated into the group.
2. Gain an attitude of curiosity. Be curious about others and their way of doing things. Don't think that your way is the only way. Take an interest in others and recognize that they have something to offer, something that you can learn from and something that could improve your life.
3. Find commonalities. What do you have in common with this person? If it is a person from your neighborhood, there is your commonality. If it is a family member, you have a lot in common. With your spouse, the same is true. Find what is common between you and focus your attention on those things. This is the single greatest way to improve your conflict resolution skills.
4. If all else fails and you don't know how to find commonalities, service works every time. If you serve someone, you create some common ground. This is partly why service is so important in a long-term marriage relationship. Service increases the affection or good feelings you feel about the other person and it creates common ground between you.
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