SALT LAKE CITY — Life is a complicated and messy endeavor. Life Coach Kim Giles is here to help you with simple, principle-based solutions to the challenges you face. Coach Kim will empower you to get along with others and become the best you.

Question:

I have a hard time making decisions, even simple ones. Sometimes my husband has to order for me in restaurants, and shopping can be a nightmare. I have spent hours in a store trying to decide what to buy. I'm always scared I will make the wrong choice. Do you have any advice for getting rid of my self-doubt?

Answer:

You can eliminate self-doubt by looking at the choices and decisions from a different perspective. Making a wrong choice is only scary because you think choosing wrong means something. You think making mistakes means you are a failure (not good enough) or will lead to loss (and your life won't be good enough).

How would it change these decision experiences if you knew your value wasn't on the line and you are good enough no matter what you choose? What if whatever choice you made was going to the be the right one, in that moment, no matter how it turned out? What if you could trust the process of life to create a perfect lesson with every choice, so every decision would serve you?

Would that take some of the pressure off?

l believe your journey through life is a divine process designed to facilitate your learning and growing. I believe that every choice you make creates your perfect next lesson and that no experience is wasted. I believe that every choice you make is the right one, in that moment, to deliver the next lesson you need. I believe that you are divinely guided by your gut feelings and can make any decision with ease if you trust yourself.

You don't have to agree with me, though.

You get to decide how you want to experience your life. You can live in a state of fear that you might blow it, mess up or ruin your life with every choice. You can believe your value is constantly on the line and live with a terrible fear of not being good enough, but living with self-doubt isn't fun.

I would recommend living with trust instead.

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Trust that failure isn't possible because your life is a perfect classroom journey designed just for you. Trust that every choice will serve you and nothing you do can diminish your value.

This means if you order something in a restaurant and you don't end up liking it, you can choose to trust there is a reason you are having a disappointing experience today. Experiencing this frustration might help you have more empathy the next time someone else is disappointed. Ordering the wrong thing was not a mistake, it was a lesson.

Also remember that no choice will ever affect your value, because your value isn't on the line. Your value as a divine, amazing, one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable human soul is never on the line. Your value is infinite and absolute, and nothing you do can change it. It is easier to make decisions when you take your value off the table.

I encourage my clients to change their official policies on the way they experience life. Here are a couple official life policies you might want to make. You might want to write them on a card, read them often and carry them with you everywhere you go.

Policy 1: My value is not on the line. I am a divine and amazing being in a perfect process of growing and learning. Nothing I do, say or choose changes my value in any way. My value is infinite and absolute. Because my value isn't on the line, I can make decisions without fear. No choice will affect my value.

Policy 2: If I make a choice that turns out badly, it is a lesson, not a mistake. There is a reason I was supposed to make this choice and experience this lesson at this time. I will trust the process of life. Even if I can't see the reason right now, I know there is one.

Policy 3: I have an inner guidance system which will help me make choices. All the answers I need will be found inside me, right when I need them. I can count on my gut feelings to guide me. I trust that whatever choice I make, in this moment, is the right one. It will bring me my next perfect lesson.

Eliminating self-doubt will take some work, and you may want to find a counselor or coach to help you overcome your fear of failure and loss, but you can adopt a healthy mindset if you keep working at it. Read these policies often and trust you are safe in the journey.

You can do this.

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*Kimberly Giles gives her advice in the "LIFEadvice" series every Monday on ksl.com. She is the president of Claritypoint Life Coaching and a sought-after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing self-esteem. Listen to her Self Esteem CPR Workshop at www.claritypointcoaching.com.**

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