Experts say the best way to talk to your children about their choices...is not to talk at all. The wisest course is to ask questions and listen. If you talk too much, lecture or tell them what you think, you run the risk of making the experience about you.

This can take away the child’s ownership of the experience and lessen its impact.

Asking questions and listening gives kids the opportunity to explore their thoughts about the decision. This can help them to discover universal truths for themselves. It can also help them learn to make right choices for the right reasons, and “because I said so” is not the right reason.

There are other benefits to asking questions and listening. Listening to your child builds self-esteem, and “Self esteem is one of the most important factors in your child becoming a stable and independent adult,” says Dr. Anatoly Belilovsky, a pediatrician in New York. Dr. Belilovsky says the No. 1 way to boost your child’s self esteem is to ask lots of questions and really listen to them.

Listening more than speaking also builds a relationship of trust. If a child feels safe communicating with you, they are more likely to confide in you when they need help. It also shows you respect them and earns their respect back.

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Want to talk to your teens? Start talking

Some simple ways parents can broach difficult topics, from sex and drugs to education and relationships, with their teenagers.

Wise parents often turn questions back to their children because answering them would rob the child of the opportunity to think it through themselves. You might also ask for more information so you can really understand what your child is trying to figure out.

“What is it you want to have happen here?” This question can help a child figure out who they want to be and what results they want to create in this situation, allowing them to own the outcome.

For example, “Do you really want revenge on your sister or do you want to fix the problem between you?” or “What do you really want here?”

You can use questions like “Tell me more about that?” and “How do you feel about that?” to keep them talking and thinking about the situation. Remember, every minute you spend here shows your child they are valued and teaches them to think for themselves.

You can ask questions that help a child to solve problems like, "What do you wish you could do?” or ”What do you think will happen if you do that?" These questions can help a child discover new solutions and build confidence in their own abilities.

When you decide to talk with your child about their choices, keep a couple things in mind:

• Choose the right time and place, especially with teenagers. You have to wait until they are in the mood to talk or you will get nowhere.

1. Remember this isn’t an interrogation or a barbecue; This is about supporting your child, not grilling them.
2. Avoid discussing more than one topic at a time.
3. Make sure you get on their eye level, so you never look down at them. Then Listen. Listen. Listen.Paul Tillich said, “The first duty of love is to listen.”

Giving another person your complete attention shows you love them at the deepest level and when it comes to our children, this approach can result in responsible, confident kids.

Kimberly Sayer Giles is the founder and president of LDS Life Coaching and www.claritypointcoaching.com and was named one of the top 20 Advice Guru's in the country by GMA. She is a popular speaker and life coach who resides in Bountiful Utah.

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