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UTAH STATE PRISON -- In extremely emotional testimony, Wendy Bullock described "the voices" that led her to kill her 2 1/2-year-old daughter, Sarah.
On Tuesday, 34-year-old Bullock appeared before the Utah Board of Pardons and Parole for her first hearing. Her hands shackled at the waist, she strained to wipe her eyes as she told a parole board member about her years-long battle with mental illness.
"I started hearing voices, and I didn't understand it was mental illness," she said. "I thought it was God or the Holy Ghost or other people's thoughts. The voices continued to get worse."
In 2004, those voices led her to put her daughter in her car and drive from Salt Lake City to an area near Moab. She thought she could see snipers. She thought she could see police cars and helicopters. She thought they were all going to harm her and her daughter.
"The voices were telling me that society was going to hurt my daughter in the worst way, and that God wanted me to send her to a better place," Bullock cried, describing how she choked Sarah to death.
The voices didn't shut up, but Bullock realized what she had done. She said she tried to kill herself -- shoving a pencil in her ear and cutting herself with a dull pocketknife. The voices didn't stop.
It was then a passer-by found her, and she asked for help. Bullock was arrested and later pleaded guilty, but mentally ill, to child abuse homicide. She served sometime in the Utah State Hospital and later wound up at Point of the Mountain.
On Tuesday, Bullock was surrounded by family members who sent letters to the parole board in her favor. Her mother, Rose Taylor, described how the family has grappled with Bullock's mental illness. They tried repeatedly to get her help, but to no avail.
"In this state the only way to get help is to attempt suicide or hurt another person," Taylor told the parole board.
Taylor said she has noticed a significant change in her daughter from when she was arrested. At the time, Taylor told the parole board they could not communicate with Bullock because "the voices" were in jail with her. Since she went to the state mental hospital and prison, Bullock said she has undergone counseling, therapy and is on a strict medication regimen.
Taylor said the tragedy of losing her granddaughter has prompted her to get more active in helping others who suffer from mental illness. "I've been able to grow and understand a new dimension in society and a new dimension in need," she tearfully testified. "I felt that my advocacy maybe can help, that this will never happen to another family."
The tragedy of Sarah's death and Bullock's own story moved parole board member Keith Hamilton. He became emotional as he talked about what to do with Bullock, whose prison term expires in 2019.
"It's tragic what happened," he said. "Without mental illness, you would never have harmed her." Noting that "a lot of healing must be done," Hamilton said he was going to recommend that Bullock be paroled to a halfway house where she could continue to get therapy and be monitored to see if she remains on her medication. "I just want you to get better, OK?" Hamilton told Bullock. "OK," she replied.
Hamilton is recommending she be released from prison in July. The full, five-member parole board will issue a ruling in the coming weeks.
E-mail: bwinslow@ksl.com
