- Amber Washington's memoir details her childhood sexual abuse and healing journey.
- Her book "(W)hole My Journey to W" highlights overcoming trauma and finding resilience.
- Washington donates proceeds to Saprea and founded Whole Heals to support trauma survivors.
OREM — Revisiting uncomfortable and traumatic instances in one's childhood is not for the faint at heart.
In the case of Amber Washington, an author, mother and entrepreneur, she recounts he experience with childhood sexual abuse in a recently published memoir, titled "(W)hole My Journey to W."
Washington describes the book as "raw, unfiltered and rooted in honesty."
But it also signifies the resilient nature of a woman who overcame harrowing behaviors within her own family at a young age, relationships where trust was broken and pressures to uphold religious and cultural standards. Washington said her path to healing and feeling whole was no walk in the park — nor without missteps on her end, which she accepts accountability for.
"This book invites readers into the messy, beautiful process of moving from hole to whole — of finding light, voice, and healing where there was once only darkness," a brief description of the memoir on Amazon books reads.
A child's disclosure
In the beginning of the book, Washington details accusations of sexual abuse from a relative that she started when she was about 6 or 7 years old.
Washington, who grew up in Orem, said the alleged abuse lasted for a couple of years, and even during that time — she believes that a form of grooming may have been happening.
"He would have me sit on his lap and he would just rub my stomach; and he would do that in front of the other adults," she said, while recounting one of their visits. "And now, having a much better understanding of predatory behaviors, you know, sexual abuse and things like that, I see that as grooming."
Washington told KSL.com that "the abuse was getting more brazen," and even now, as a 45-year-old woman, portions of the home where the abuse occurred still haunt her.
At the age of 9, Washington said she gathered up the courage to tell her parents what was going on.
Her bravery to disclose the alleged actions at a young age, "which is pretty rare," she noted, is something Washington feels makes her story unique.
According to Saprea, a Utah-based nonprofit with a focus on preventing child sex abuse, most people who experience sexual abuse as child don't come forward about it until years later.
"Most survivors don't disclose until adulthood," said Chris Yadon, Saprea's managing director. "And children that disclose are definitely in the minority and when they do disclose, unfortunately (and) historically, families haven't responded in a way that was really helpful to the survivors."
The organization also says such traumatic experiences can result in lasting implications for abuse survivors.
Washington said the abuse stopped and her parents confronted her alleged abuser about what she told them.
However, the mental and emotional toll from the experience persisted. Washington said she felt shame, unworthy, and initially questioned if her family believed her.
"I felt like I was broken, I felt like I was a project to be fixed. I felt like I destroyed our family by disclosing," she said.
Coping with the past
As a teenager, Washington, in her book recounts becoming rebellious, resisting activities she once took part in with her family and leaned into the perceived notion that she was a problem child.
Washington said her alleged abuser passed away just before she turned 18.
Still, she said the impacts of what happened as a child stretched into her adulthood. Washington's book recounts the struggles she'd often face to feel intimately safe with men.
"But you don't realize these things until you understand and come to terms with what actually happened," she explained. "Then you have an understanding of not just what happened, but the importance of understanding trauma responses and behaviors."
Yadon said it's not uncommon for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to carry the stigma and shame from what they endured for years or decades after it occured.
"The way that manifests is through abnormally high rates of mental health disorders; so think your typical ones, like anxiety and depression, increased risk of suicidal ideation and attempts substance use to cope with or to numb," Yadon said.
Path to healing
Washington said she had always wanted to write a book ever since she was a teenager. But it wasn't until 2022 — while in the midst of raising children and after her first divorce, that she finally began to put the ink to paper.
As she started to craft ideas for the book, Washington formed a relationship with Saprea, whom she sought out to help navigate the trauma that had been dwelling inside of her for more than 30 years.
Washington said that through its retreats and supportive resources, the organization has been instrumental in her recovery and healing.
Leaders at Saprea said their approach to supporting survivors is not like traditional therapy.
"It's not meant to replace therapy, It's meant to augment it and do some things that therapy can't do as effectively like provide community-based healing with other survivors," Yadon said.
Washington is donating a portion of the proceeds of her book to Saprea's mission in helping others on their healing journey.
Also, as part of her efforts, Washington started her own business — Whole Heals, with a goal of providing trauma-informed education, resources and programs.
The mother of three sons said she hopes the takeaway readers get from her story is that healing isn't easy; it takes hard work and accountability — but that it's possible.
"You know, we can be crappy people, but we don't have to stay there," she said.
Those interested in learning more about Washington's book can visit her company's website.
