Utah woman's journey of overcoming bulimia

Utah woman's journey of overcoming bulimia

(Courtesy Andrea Paynter)


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SALT LAKE CITY — Andrea Paynter was 17 years old when her body changed drastically.

She was a competitive gymnast for over nine years but stopped the summer before her senior year. Her body started growing, she told KSL.com, which became clear when she couldn’t fit into the same uniform sizes as her fellow drill team members.

Paynter started binging and purging to try and manage her anxiety about her weight and body image, but her secret didn't stay that way for long. Her parents discovered what she was doing and tried to get her help, but she refused to admit she had a problem, she said.

‘It’s a mental disease’

Paynter struggled with bulimia on and off for the next eight years, she said.

“My weight didn’t get dangerously low," she said. “I lost weight, but I didn’t get severely sick. For me, it was a mental disease.”

Paynter was never admitted to a hospital for her bulimia, but it was a constant mental battle. The more physically weak she felt, the stronger she felt mentally, she said.

"I saw food as the enemy. And I couldn’t get enough of the food when I was binging," she said. "But as soon as you eat it, you want to get rid of it. And then you feel so guilty and hate yourself and you don’t know how you let yourself do that again. It was just this cyclical thing."

Utah's Eating Disorder Awareness Week: Feb. 22-28

More than 20 million women and over 10 million men will have some form of eating disorder during their lifetime, according to nationaleatingdisorders.org. Eating disorders also have the highest mortality rate of any mental disease. That’s part of the reason why Gov. Gary Herbert and declared this week Eating Disorder Awareness Week in Utah.

“Eating disorders are a serious public health concern and should not be ignored,” said Gov. Herbert in a press release. “Many of our citizens suffer from these complex mental health conditions. I hope we will all use this opportunity to increase our knowledge of the harmful effects of eating disorders, as well as how to prevent them.”

For more resources and help, visit nationaleatingdisorders.org

After pushing away most of her family and friends, Paynter moved away to California and sought the company of people who were as miserable as she was, “because it gave validation for what I felt about myself,” she said.

A turning point

Some researchers at Paynter’s college were conducting a study on the brains of people with bulimia. Paynter applied for the study and started the process, but the research didn’t work out and the study was closed early.

“I remember being heartbroken,” she said.

But being a study participant started the process of slowly changing her way of thinking about food, and she was ready to accept help from her family and friends. Another turning point was meeting her future husband, she said.

“When I met my husband, it was another one of those shifts where I didn’t want to be the person dragging someone else down,” she said. “He knew about me and was very supportive.”

Paynter got married and moved back to Utah to be near her family, but her fight with bulimia wasn't over.

"After we were married, I still had those demons and cravings to binge and purge even though I didn’t act on them," she said.

With the help of family and friends, Paynter found the strength to stop making herself sick. After a few years of discovering how to have a healthy relationship with food, she decided to join a gym. She found a coupon online and signed up right away.

"It's so easy to focus on what you don't like about yourself," she said. "You have to find something else to deter you, something else that makes you happy and occupies your time." (Photo: Andrea Paynter)
"It's so easy to focus on what you don't like about yourself," she said. "You have to find something else to deter you, something else that makes you happy and occupies your time." (Photo: Andrea Paynter)

“It's not a fancy or glamorous gym; it's where you go for a real workout filled with real people. People who become your family and are so supportive,” Paynter wrote in a Facebook post last year. "It's a place where you lift heavy (expletive); something that I used to avoid at all costs, because I didn't want to add size to my already broad shoulders. But something deep down loved throwing that weight around. For the first time since I was in gymnastics, I felt legitimately strong and I loved it.”

A new body competition

A friend at Paynter’s gym convinced her to consider entering a body building competition. She at first refused to consider it because it had been such a struggle to overcome her bulimic behaviors and she didn't want to live a restrictive lifestyle again. After talking it over with friends and family, she decided to give competitive sports another try. After training for a few months, she entered a competition, and said “something just clicked.&rdquo

Paynter excelled in the competitions and earned eligibility to compete in pro national competitions last year. She will compete in her first pro body building competition in May and documents her journey on Instagram. She said she now loves who she sees in the mirror.

Symptoms of eating disorders

Anorexia Nervosa:

  • Inadequate food intake leading to a weight that is clearly too low.
  • Intense fear of weight gain, obsession with weight and persistent behavior to prevent weight gain.
  • Self-esteem overly related to body image.
  • Inability to appreciate the severity of the situation.
  • Binge-Eating/Purging Type involves binge eating and/or purging behaviors during the last three months.
  • Restricting Type does not involve binge eating or purging.

Bulimia Nervosa

  • Frequent episodes of consuming very large amounts of food but without behaviors to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting.
  • A feeling of being out of control during the binge eating episodes.
  • Feelings of strong shame or guilt regarding the binge eating.
  • Indications that the binge eating is out of control, such as eating when not hungry, eating to the point of discomfort, or eating alone because of shame about the behavior.

Source: National Eating Disorders Association

"I see someone who’s strong and determined. I see someone who has worked hard to overcome battles with myself," she said. "I see someone who has a loving support system, not be where I am today without my husband, my family, my friends."

Support from others

The biggest help for Paynter was the unwavering support of her family, she said.

“Constant unwavering, consistent support,” Paynter said. “My family stayed by my side. They just always asked me how I was doing and knowing that I had the support system if I were to ever fall was huge for me.”

She also said that despite constant exposure to "perfect" bodies in the media, she needed to not focus on body image.

"It's so easy to focus on what you don’t like about yourself," she said. "You have to find something else to deter you, something else that makes you happy and occupies your time."

But she was quick to add that it's not necessarily the answer for others who suffer from eating disorders.

Treatment for others

The National Eating Disorders Association says the best form of treatment is a form of counseling coupled with nutritional needs:

"Many people with eating disorders respond to outpatient therapy, including individual, group, or family therapy and medical management by their primary care provider. Support groups, nutritional counseling, and psychiatric medications under careful medical supervision have also proven helpful for some individuals. Hospital-based care (including inpatient, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient and/or residential care in an eating disorders specialty unit or facility) is necessary when an eating disorder has led to physical problems that may be life threatening, or when it is associated with severe psychological or behavioral problems. The exact treatment needs of each individual will vary."

For more information on treatments for eating disorders, visit nationaleatingdisorders.org.

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