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SALT LAKE CITY — The first day of school is upon us. With many children are returning to class or starting their first day of kindergarten, it can be a stressful time for them and their parents.
Separation anxiety is common in school-age children. It is characterized by persistent or excessive worry about separating from a child’s primary caregiver. This translates into the dreaded emotional drop-off: a child who won’t get out of the car until he or she is pulled tearfully into the school building, only to scream as the parent walks away. We’ve either seen it or we’ve been “that parent” who ultimately returns to the car to have our turn at crying. Not fun for anyone.
Even if your child isn’t excessively worried about going off to school, some of these techniques can ease the transition.
1. Normalize
Express to your child that he isn't the only one nervous about the first day. All of his classmates will be feeling some level of anxiety. Let your child know that his teacher is aware of this and will work to make sure everyone feels comfortable. Give examples of previous situations where your child has been nervous for something new but was able to manage these feelings successfully.
2. Use a transitional object
Choose an object that your child can take to school: a locket with a parent's picture, a special stone to keep in a pocket and touch when feeling scared, or a reassuring note from a parent that the child can read while at school. Choose this object together so your child feels a sense of ownership. Ensure that it’s something that won’t be a distraction to other students.
3. Validate
Let your child express fears about the first day. Help her to articulate if there is something specific worrying her. Validate her fears rather than dismissing them.
4. Plan ahead
If your child is especially fearful or has had difficulty with transitions in the past, meet with the teacher or school counselor before the first day of school. Together you can put together a plan for the drop off. This may include your child starting with the counselor, then transitioning into the classroom; or having the school counselor meet you at the curb to walk the child into school.
5. Reassure
Convey optimism about what school will be like: new friends, new learning opportunities, recess!
Lastly, be aware of your own feelings. Are you as scared about your child leaving you as he is? Your child may be picking up on this and reacting to it. Try and talk through these feelings with another adult (not your child) so that you can be emotionally available to your child. If your child is struggling to transition into school, know that it’s normal and that, for most children, it is resolved in the first few weeks.
Whitney Barrell, LCSW, has a master's of social work from the University of Utah. In her private practice she enjoys working with children and families on myriad mental health issues. She can be reached at www.whitneybarrellcounseling.com.
