SALT LAKE CITY — Lately, I’ve been evaluating how I’m doing as a mother (which possibly related to my need for chocolate-covered pretzels). But thankfully, before I could open the bag, I began reading Chieko Okazaki's "Lighten Up" and this fabulous passage:

"I have received a startling education on the amount of inappropriate guilt literally hundreds of wonderful women feel about motherhood … women with infertility problems feel guilty that they cannot bear children. Mothers worry that they have too many children, or too few. Many others worry because they are not perfect mothers or don't have perfect children … and [relating to children's poor choices] even more personal guilt that springs from the feeling that they have somehow failed ….

“I strongly feel that we should expect struggles and imperfections in this life. The most realistic expectation we can make of ourselves is to do our best. We should not expect to control outcomes, either for ourselves or our children."

What a relief! Suddenly I felt light and clear about being a mother, accepting what I can do better while appreciating what I already do well (my column, my story …). To remind myself on those trying days when I might forget, I made an "I Am a Fabulous Mother" list. If you need a memory jog — and possible added validation — as to the good you do for your children, try writing a list of your own.

For fun (and possibly debate), here is the beginning of my fabulous mother list (that I will surely compel my children to hear during a family night):

1. I apologize. When I've blown it, I say sorry and move on.

2. I do floor time and talk time with the children every day. Though I must admit that at times puzzles and play dough after 20 years have lost a certain charm, I focus on the joy it's bringing to them.

3. I can be beaten in Scrabble. This gives them a great sense of accomplishment and makes them feel that they are, frankly, invincible.

4. I delegate. From putting in a load of laundry to mopping the kitchen floor, each child helps with the home.

5. I am affectionate. Whether it's first thing in the morning or last thing at night, whether it's touch or talk, they are loved, loved, loved. Doesn't matter that my oldest is 20, smooches abound in this house.

6. I refuse to hear negative talk about my cooking. I feel that this is a service rendered for their future wives. As soon as a negative word starts to form, they know it's a double portion of dinner for them.

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Ah, motherhood. There's really nothing quite like experiencing the joys of watching your child grow, learn and discover the world around them. It's a beautiful, magical, one-of-a-kind job. Most of the time, that is.

7. I love their father. Around the children I keep appropriately tight-lipped when my sweet honey could possibly drive me bonkers (rarely … occasionally …) But about the great stuff (and our personal jokes about the bonkers stuff), I let it fly.

8. I have chilled out in the “über structure” department. With each child I’m learning to let go, ask better questions, listen more, trust my instincts and their choices (well, trust but verify).

9. I take time for me. Whether it's exercise, reading, enjoying my special treats without mini-mouths breathing on them, I teach them that a relaxed mom is a happy mom, and a ready-to-say-yes-to-their-requests mom.

10. I read good books that make me remember to enjoy the process and season of raising my young children without ripping their little lips off.

Remember that our own personal manifestation of motherhood — the good, the bad and the in-progress — is a gift and a blessing that we uniquely give to our children. So just for today, celebrate what you do well as a mother. Connie Sokol is an author, presenter, TV contributor and mother of seven. Contact her at www.conniesokol.com.

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