SALT LAKE CITY — Sam says that dancing is the most important thing a dad can do. "Disco," he says, and he gives me a little example there on his front porch.

Sam is 3 years old and drives a blue plastic convertible powered by his feet a la Fred Flintstone.

His older sister drives a pink bike with very shiny tassels. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head at her brother's suggestion. "He should spend time with me," she offers instead.

Their mother, listening as I question the kids, has her own answer. After they have run off to play, she spills, "A father should pay attention."

These are not the answers I expected as I took on the task of finding out what kids thought about fathers, and to the question, "What is the No. 1 most important thing a dad should do?"

My interest in the perceptions of a father's responsibilities was piqued a few weeks ago at my church, where men were called to respond to a similar question. I looked at my shoes — not for an answer, necessarily, but to think. Inadvertently, I discovered that you can tell a lot about a father by the shoes his family wears.

My shoes are several years old. Black. Fake alligator. My wife wears sandals because hers is not a popular size. My daughter wears whatever is easiest to find in the morning, and my son makes out all right in a pair of dress shoes bought new for a school prom.

My grandson bobs around the church bench in blue tennies he could not care less about. His little brother wears white socks that take way to much time for me to put on.

To answer the question:

I myself have been somewhat marginal as a father. I am the literal Prodigal Dad. I came to a family later in life after I had resolved myself to being single. When I married, my wife had kids ages 10, 6, 4 and 2. I sort of slid into being a dad when no one was looking.

First on my list for an excellent father is providing and protecting. But the kids I interviewed didn't bring that up. Shoes weren’t on the list, either.

Emma, age 9, says that a dad should "be there to watch her in gymnastics."

"Practice karate with their kids," said 6-year-old Thomas, who almost has his yellow belt and will gladly show you his moves.

Only one child mentioned anything even close to providing. "Money for ice cream," was Brandon’s response, but that may have been triggered by the sound of the ice cream truck just turning into the cul-de-sac.

Of course, kids aren't worried about the economy or where rent is coming from, nor do we want them to. And I don't expect kids to come up with things like life insurance, or car payments, or a mortgage. One kid mentioned a trip to the lake. Not the boat, or the SUV that got them there. Not an expensive trailer or jet skies. He was glad to report that he was better than his father in the water and "probably saved dad's life" with his expertise in swimming.

Related:

What really makes a man? Being a dad

What makes a real man? Some give the time warn answers we see in the movies and in the school yard: A man is tough, macho, bold, fearless, strong — even bulletproof sometimes.

The listsSo I made my own list: After providing and protecting were paying the bills, changing the oil, mowing the lawn, fixing the AC, getting the family to church, making sure kids have the credits they need to graduate on time, procuring great insurance and table-saw ownership.

The kid list included such necessities as going to games, giving rides, being nice to the family, not getting drunk, being tougher than other dads, and (my personal favorite), doing stuff.

Now, the things on my list are important. In fact, if a guy isn’t willing to attempt my list then he may want to re-think being a father. But, along with paying the bills there should be a karate practice in the backyard. Along with packing and driving to the lake should be time spent counting and applying calamine to mosquito bites. With the terrific job and insurance should be a pinewood derby car.

And the AC will break down. Until there is money to fix it, maybe there are memories made with popsicles and a fan created to operate by the dog's wagging tail.

Combining the lists makes it easier to pick out the important characteristics of a good father: He loves his kids enough to spend time with them, he pays attention, and he can be depended upon.

And somewhere, for all the Sams, there should be a little disco. Davison Cheney writes the "Prodigal Dad" family column weekly for KSL.com. See his other writings at davisoncheneymegadad.blogspot.com & on Twitter @davisoncheney.

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