SALT LAKE CITY — Annie has a dream. In this dream she pulls up to the house of the twin girls that used to bully her in junior high school. She is driving a stylish purple pickup truck as she drops off a little present for them.

The present is a best-selling book about her experiences growing up with bullies — a signed copy — and the inscription that says "thanks for giving me something to write about."

I should reiterate that this is her dream. Her mama's dream is that, clandestinely included in the book, is a hologram that activates when the twins' family and friends are present. It plays back every little antagonizing, harassing moment from their prodigious bullying past. The tyrannical twins weep, and then they, in shame, get themselves to a nunnery.

Pappa Bear's dream is slightly different, and I can't write about what I wished for those same twins a few years ago when my daughter was having to face them every day, though I might mention that it involves spray paint, the school intercom and a good sheep shearer.

Maybe I'll keep the nunnery bit.

She started with her parents

Annie would like a different present, and she started by converting her parents. After years of dealing with bullying, harassment, intimidation, name-calling and vandalism, she just wants to have a life far away from those who bullied her. Simple enough.

Related:

My daughter the bully tamer: How our family dealt with bullying

As someone trying to be a better parent — one who considers himself to be the Prodigal Dad — it was important to educate myself on bullies and bullying, using my own personal experience and new knowledge to give my daughter a better life.

I want a little writhing in guilt and pain from those twins and the others who tormented her. I feel much more vindictive about my daughter's tormentors than I ever felt toward my own.

I have seen more than my fair share of bullying. You’d think I would have thrived as a tall, white male in the predominant religion of the area with nothing noticeable on my minority report. But I was sensitive, effeminate, effeminate and effeminate — not to mention my penchant for musicals.

It wasn't a size issue then, and certainly not now. Bullying and images of bullies are found everywhere: children being bullied at school; people hitting, slapping, punching, screaming; others being ridiculed, beaten, shamed and humiliated.

Bullying the bullies?

It is increasingly plain that the bullied are now becoming bullies in order to stand up for themselves. Those who are being punked on are trying to stand up for themselves by using the same techniques as their tormentors. Those who have been punked on are us, and we want our pound of flesh.

My friend Hal was recently called a distasteful name and was harassed for "looking gay." Hal proceeded to deck the bully and knocked him to the ground — in the name of standing up for himself. Based on results, both were bullies. Hal was just quicker to the punch — literally.

And what did our mutual Facebook buddies say to that? "Great job for defending yourself?" Yes.

"It's about time they got a piece of their own!" Yes!

"Nice left to the noggin. Next time kick him in the ribs so he'll never forget!" What?

The pendulum swings. When it swings back it knocks everyone to the ground, and we cheer?

Standing in the way

Annie wants to stop the pendulum once and for all, cement it to the ground and plant Virgina creeper all around it. She knows that fighting bully fire with bully fire will leave everyone blistered and missing their uni-brow — bullies and all.

There are those who use physical force to intimidate. There are big talkers who skewer people right and left. There are all types in between — from the kid who needs to exert dominance on his brother or the kindergarten, to the nation that feels it can make new rules, deny rights and bomb the borders just because it can.

Unless Annie can find a way to hand everyone a bucket of water to douse a flame or two, bullies won't be going away. Victims will be forever present, and with another punch or jab and a swing of the pendulum, everyone will simply switch roles.

My daughter has been forever changed by bullies. She may be forever gun shy. For all my balderdash, I may be the same way. My wife has had to face her own brand of bullies, and she is a different person because of them.

"I was picked on." That is what we'll say as we circle our wagons pull out a cannon and blast the world.

A former neighbor of Annie's (and ours) witnessed violence in a parking lot. Wanting to prevent anyone from getting hurt, including herself, she asked for quick spiritual guidance (as is common for those with her religious belief.)

She immediately felt that she should do nothing but stand and focus on what was happening, which she did. The energy that came with the bullying dissipated within a minute or two and she felt like she could go ahead with her errand with everyone safe.

Effectively, she doused the bully flame with a pail of water. Her presence and her focus announced that someone was aware of what was going on. That awareness changed the outcome without a fist or a harsh word, without decking the guy to send a message.

Annie wants to know: Is it possible to stand up to the pendulum before we have to sacrifice anyone else?

This is the second in a three-part series on successfully dealing with bullies.The third will be from Annie’s perspective.

*

*Cheney writes the "Prodigal Dad" family column weekly for ksl.com. See his other writings at davisoncheneymegadad.blogspot.com and Twitter @DavisonCheney.**

Related topics