Ugly divorce can't keep Terry McMillan down

Celebrated novelist Terry McMillan fell in love with a Jamaican stud muffin half her age and invited the world to watch.

"A tall handsome sexy maple-syrup colored child," she called a fictionalized version of her barely 20-year-old lover in the book --- later a movie --- "How Stella Got Her Groove Back."

The real Jonathan Plummer braided McMillan's hair, taught her how to swim and mellowed her brash ways.

The book ends on the tropical island with Stella in a hammock, kissing her muse and hearing the words, "Will you marry me?"

But the post-Stella epilogue of McMillan, now 53, and Plummer, now 30, might make her fans cringe. The marriage unraveled; her husband --- gay. The divorce filings are profanity-laced accusations of lies, infidelity and gay porn.

McMillan's personal troubles loom as she promotes her new book, "The Interruption of Everything." Her latest book revolves around a premenopausal, 44-year-old woman in a comfortable, but boring, marriage.

For McMillan, however, it's her own broken marriage interrupting everything.

Still, McMillan seems strong, self-assured --- even in her groove --- as she prepares to arrive in Atlanta on Friday as part of her nationwide book tour.

"I say a man doesn't make your life fall apart, and if it does, don't let men do that," McMillan said recently.

An icon in the literary world, McMillan had already created a genre of African-American literature exploring the lives of middle-class women. In such works as "Disappearing Acts" and "Waiting to Exhale," she spoke women's truths without flinching. For many fans, she is one of the most revered female writers period.

Greeted around the country by standing ovations and gifts (T-shirts, scarves and candles), McMillan is a still a hero to her fans, her bond with readers only deepening.

"Women and men come up to me and say, 'Girl, let me give you a hug,' " said McMillan in a phone interview from her hotel in Chicago. Accusations flying

In documents filed in the Contra Costa County, Calif., Superior Court, McMillan accuses Plummer of manipulating her into marriage so he could gain U.S. citizenship, according to a 5-inch-thick divorce filing.

Plummer denies any deception. He said he and McMillan married for the most basic of reasons: They were in love. Plummer's attorney Dolores Sargent said her client waited at least two years before applying for citizenship.

"He is not this greedy fraudster," Sargent said. "He is a very nice, very personable individual who has found himself. He did love Terry and still has feelings for her. He certainly didn't want this to be as public or adversarial as it is."

Now, there are restraining orders on both sides. McMillan obtained one to keep Plummer from entering her house. Plummer got one after accusing McMillan of coming to his dog-grooming business and throwing things.

Before they married in 1998, McMillan said she found gay porn in the trunk of their car, but didn't think much of it since Plummer told her he was buying the videos for a friend, according to the filing.

And then, in December 2004, shortly before Christmas, Plummer told McMillan he was gay.

Plummer said he didn't know he was gay when he married McMillan, although he said he had "conflicted feelings about my sexuality for some time," according to the divorce papers.

He also said he posted his profile on a gay Web site last year to "test the waters."

"She is an extremely angry woman who is homophobic and lashing out at me because I have learned that I was gay," Plummer said in the filing.

In an interview, McMillan said she is not homophobic.

"What did he think I was going to do when he tells me he is gay? Applaud and throw him a party? Come on," said McMillan.

McMillan never intended for her personal business to be public fodder. She insists she tried to have the divorce filing sealed and accuses Plummer and his attorney of wanting to make the filing public to make her look bad.

However, Sargent --- Plummer's lawyer --- said her client also wanted the divorce papers to be private, but said the media got hold of the filing before the issue could be addressed by a judge.

When asked about the viciousness of this divorce, McMillan doesn't shy away from the subject.

"I am passed the hurt phase, I am just [expletive] off," she said. "I am not embarrassed. I didn't make him gay. He has a right to be gay, but not play hide-and-seek."

Plummer's attorney said her client is upset about the contentious nature of the divorce, still pending.

Sargent said Plummer is hoping for enough money for a house and three years of financial support. She said he wants to stay in the United States, especially because "homosexuality is extremely frowned upon" in Jamaica. 'On the down low'

A wave of books, HIV conferences and online support groups focus on the issue of gay men married to women, often times referred to as "being on the down low" or DL. The National Association of Black Journalists, meeting in Atlanta this week, includes a workshop today called, "The Lowdown on the Down Low."

And McMillan's divorce promises to draw more attention to this subject.

The slang phrase "being on the down low" applies to men who conceal having sex with other men from their wives or girlfriends and possibly spread HIV that way. The term is more often used among African-Americans, but researchers say it's a phenomenon for all races.

"Now you have a prominent black woman who is saying this happened to her," said James Suber, program director of the Atlanta Interfaith AIDS Network. "And these women have read her books, and they are saying, if this can happen to Terry McMillan, I know this can happen to me."

Roughly 1.1 million Americans are infected with HIV, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. During the early years of the AIDS epidemic, most women who contracted HIV did so through intravenous drug use. But today, more than 70 percent of women report being infected through unsafe sex with men. It is believed that many of these women are infected by men who have sex with other men. Most men acquire the disease through male-to-male sexual conduct.

And in 2003, the most recent year available, black women were 18 times more likely to be diagnosed with HIV than white women, according to the CDC.

McMillan said she is HIV negative. She said she has gotten an HIV test every year since the 1980s when she has gotten her pap smear as part of her yearly checkup. Since January, McMillan said she has been tested every month.

Suber says he believes the church and cultural pressure keep some men from revealing --- or even acknowledging --- their homosexuality.

McMillan disagrees.

"I don't buy this about what the community thinks," she said. "This is 2005, and you can be anything you want." No book on divorce

Fan Jana Broadie of Fayetteville, who is 49 and married, wasn't ready for Stella's story to end.

"I think we are all waiting to see how she will turn this into a story as only she can," said Broadie of Indigo Ink, a new Atlanta-area writing group.

But McMillan said she has no plans to write a book about her own divorce. Still, she has filled up 1,000 pages with research and thoughts about divorce-related issues.

McMillan might be traveling solo these days, but she wants women to feel good about being single.

She wants women everywhere to remember to give themselves a little lovin'.

"I don't write from a pedestal from my readers. We are all on equal footing trying to make sense of a lot of things," said McMillan. "And we all need a shoulder and a hug."

Copyright 2005 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution