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Deanie Wimmer ReportingIt's our number one job as parents to keep our kids safe. For some moms and dads, that means snooping, whether it's poking around our children's bedrooms or checking out what they've been up to online. But watch out because you might not like what you find.
Valeri Lapacek's mom, Diane, was less than pleased when she took a look at her daughter's MySpace page.
Diane Rowland, Valeri's Mother: "I got on there and looked at the pictures she had on there and um, well, my heart started beating fast. I got this bad feeling in my stomach and went, oh no, I am in big trouble and so is she."
Valeri Rowland, 16 Years Old: "She doesn't trust me at, like at all, anymore."
Valeri, 16, posted some clothed, yet provocative photos of herself on the popular social networking site.
Diane: "She had gotten a message from a 36-year old man who was local, asking her to join her, him and his girlfriend in a threesome, and that's what shocked me."
Dr. David Walsh, Institute on Media and the Family: "Teenagers aren't particularly good assessing risk, they tend to minimize it. As parents of teenagers, we do want to respect our kid's privacy. We also want to let our kids know that there are limits to that."
Parents now have numerous high tech tools with which to keep track of their kids' activities. There are cell phones available with built in GPS systems and sales are up for software that can monitor your child's computer even remotely.
A recent iVillage survey found that while 32 percent of parents have not spied on their children, seven-percent have looked through their child's drawers or diary, nine-percent have checked on their child's web activity, and over half have snooped both electronically and the old fashion way.
Steve Mentzer, Parent: "Yeah, we definitely look in drawers, look in closets, book bags, totes, you name it."
Rebecca Hoke and Steve Mentzer feel snooping on their daughters, Brandi, 15 and Amanda, 12 is just a part of good parenting
Rebecca Hoke, Parent: "We found cigarettes, lighters inappropriate notes, some things going on at school that, you know, we just weren't very happy with them, with them doing."
Brandi Hogans, Daughter: "I understand why they went through my stuff, but it still makes me mad and I don't like it."
Rebecca Hoke: "The way we look at it is, I mean if you can stop your child from running into a burning building, wouldn't you? We want to stop any major problems from arising before they start."
Now obviously, checking up on your kids is going to create some tension. Parenting experts say there really isn't a hard and fast rule. You have to take each situation case-by-case.
Parenting counselors say protection trumps privacy. Just make sure your intent is protection and not just snooping. Remember to expect your kids to be angry. Anger is OK because at least the kids are alive. And remember to look for opportunities to talk to your kids. Everyday situations like making dinner, running errands, shopping or driving to places can be a good and non-threatening chance to find out what's going on in your kid's head.
