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A friend recently sent me this diet, which is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. It is especially useful for those who frequently use the psychological defense mechanisms of denial and rationalization.
1 Slice whole wheat toast, dry
8 oz. skim milk
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
Rest of the Oreos in package
2 pints rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
Large sausage, mushroom & cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
Frozen cheesecake eaten directly from freezer
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods - such as Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls - do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
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c.2003 Cox News Service