High School senior deals with bulimia, issues from her past

AKRON, Ohio - The race for valedictorian is tight this year at St. Vincent-St. Mary High School. At this point, Jessica Healy doesn't know if she is No. 1.

But she is sure of this: About to graduate, she is finally free of her secrets.

On the outside, she's still the Jesi everyone knows - poised, beautiful, smart and athletic. Now she's telling the story her peers didn't know: her struggle with eating disorders, and the hidden past she tried so hard to forget.

Jesi's journey began a year ago, when she left for a track meet in Columbus. She left this note on the bathroom counter:

Mom, I hate to tell you this way, but I've been bingeing and purging.

Margaret Healy was stunned. ``Here this child is hundreds of miles away, and I found out she's bulimic,'' she said.

When Jesi got home, her mother persuaded her to talk to a mental health professional.

Jesi knew her mother was right.

Because I was getting scared,'' she said.You notice the weird things it does to your body. I felt like it was really getting out of control, and I just needed help.''

Underlying issues

She had to look into her past to sort out what brought her to that point. By the time she wrote the note, she was already a year into starving, bingeing and purging. It started the summer before her junior year, about the time her parents separated. Her father, Terrance Healy, moved to Florida. 

He had retired the year before,'' Jesi said.He was home all the time. He would go to my track meets - we'd go out and do stuff.'' After her dad left, Jesi, always conscious of staying slim, started cutting back on food. She adopted an extremely healthy diet. By the time the school year began, she had lost 20 pounds, dropping to 125 pounds on her 5-foot-8-inch frame. She told everyone who asked that her weight loss was from working out a lot.

We probably knew,'' said Kara Mundy, a classmate and Jesi's best friend.We joked about it. Jesi, you got really, really skinny. We used to call her `Annie,' for anorexia. But she was still eating lunch.''

Jesi was always considered ``just gorgeous'' by everyone at school, Kara added. Many people thought she looked great with the weight loss.

After a few months at a lower weight, however, Jesi started getting very hungry.

Midway into my junior year, I started to eat more,'' Jesi said.I just started to gain weight and get scared. I didn't want to go back to the counting calories thing.''

Then she experimented with bingeing and purging.

So it was like, hey, this is nice,'' she recalled thinking.I can eat all I want and it doesn't matter.''

For about seven months, it seemed to work. Then she started to notice how it affected her body. She suffered a stress fracture on a femur. She researched the injury, and found female athletes who have eating disorders are at risk for the injury, because of altered body chemistry.

On her worst days, Jesi binged and purged three or four times.

It was exhausting,'' she said.I'd go to school and study and try to just be normal. But inside, my life revolved around food.''

She finally decided to tell her mother. Jesi wrote a note, just as she usually did to express personal feelings.

I wasn't suicidal,'' she said.But just thinking about the future, it didn't seem like it was going to be much of a future if it was just going to be about food the rest of my life.''

While Jesi agreed - if not enthusiastically - to go to counseling, she didn't like her first therapist. She continued to binge and purge for two more months.

Then she quit abruptly, after a dentist appointment. She had dreaded the visit, because she knew that repeated vomiting can hurt tooth enamel.

``The lady who was cleaning my teeth - she sat back and I remember she took off her mask,'' Jesi said.

``She's like: I'm going to ask you a serious question: Are you bingeing and purging?''

After that conversation, Jesi never made herself throw up again.

``That was my wake-up call,'' she said.

Jesi continued therapy, switching to an expert in eating disorders. She clicked with her counselor and began to make progress.

Through therapy, Jesi said, she learned that ``nobody's problems are just an eating disorder. There's always something behind it.''

All of the food, the stuffed feelings, the purging - all served to plunge down feelings. In counseling, she talked about her sadness over her father leaving.

Jesi kept on talking, slowly relaxing with the counselor.

There was more to talk about.

``Holly was the first one I ever told,'' Jesi said of her counselor.

For almost 10 years, Jesi had kept a secret: She had been sexually abused as a child. The abuse, from a relative in her extended family, started when she was 5 and ended when she was 7, she said.

I decided, when I was about 10, that I was never going to tell anybody,'' Jesi said.It was one of those things I was going to take to my grave. I was like - I was going to handle it myself.

``I grew up thinking I had handled it.''

Last summer, before Jesi was to start her senior year, her therapist told her she was going on vacation for two weeks, and suggested Jesi enroll in a partial hospitalization program Akron Children's Hospital offers for psychiatric services.

Children and teens are admitted to ``partial'' when they need intensive help but aren't at imminent risk of hurting themselves or others. They learn about managing their feelings, handling stress and setting goals. And they meet other kids with problems.

The program runs during school hours, meaning Jesi could still make it to soccer practice.

Jesi decided to do it. She had issues, long pushed aside, that she needed and wanted to resolve.

``It was like getting in at the last minute - so I could start off (my senior year) with a lot of things off my chest,'' she said.

For a week, Jesi went to the hospital. The girl who hated to raise her hand in class found she could talk about her deepest, most painful feelings and events with a group of other kids and counselors.

She found herself trying to help other teens, too.

There's a lot of kids who dealt with'' - she paused -a lot.

``There were several girls with eating disorders who had been struggling a lot longer than I had,'' Jesi said.

Then she resumed her regular counseling.

She says her eating patterns are much better now. Sometimes it's still hard to feel relaxed about eating, but she says she hasn't made herself purge since August.

I can't even think about it anymore,'' she said.It gives me the willies to even think about that.''

A few months ago, she filed a police report about the abuser, who now lives out of state. The case is under investigation.

But Jesi spends most of her energy looking to the future. First, there's graduation. Her father, who keeps in touch by phone and e-mail, will be among the proud family members at the ceremony.

After graduation, Jesi will head to Paraguari, Paraguay, where she will spend two months as part of the Amigos de las Americas public service program. As for the challenge of speaking only Spanish, living with a family that doesn't have indoor plumbing or consistent electricity - she's ready.

In September, she starts Northwestern University, where she will major in Spanish.

On a recent morning, Jesi joked with her friends in the school cafeteria, ate her lunch and gave her cousin tips about a trigonometry assignment.

Shortly before the bell rang, Jesi's boyfriend, Josh Smith, sat down, took a gulp from her water bottle and chatted. Then the two were off to trig class.

Like everyone, she has her good and bad days. But now, she navigates life's ups and downs with no extra burden.

``I thank God my mother intervened when she did,'' Jesi said.

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(c) 2005, Akron Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio). Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service.