WINTER'S NOT THAT BAD CITY — So I know it's bitter cold outside and Kevin Eubank just seems to be filled with nothing but bad news while sporting that white coat.
While we bemoan the fact that our driveway is more like an ice rink and getting in our car in the morning is like jumping into a frozen lake, it's good to remember winter's not all that bad.
Sure, winter has frozen fingers, bruised tailbones from slippery ice and chapped lips, but do you know what it doesn't have? Giant sharks, small-enclosed rooms sweltering with heat and underground monsters.
Here are five movies that remind us that summer and the heat aren't all that great and hopefully make us a little more grateful for the mind-numbing cold.
Sure, winter brings with it snow and cold, but at least you're not stranded on a desert island with nothing more than a volleyball and a package you refuse to open.
Honestly, that will bother me until the day I die.
I have no doubt you're looking out your window right now and thinking to yourself, "I don't know. Sand and sea look pretty good right about now," but don't fall into that trap. Remember, if you swap winter for the "Cast Away" scenario you'll lose your best friend, your sanity because your best friend was a volleyball, and your fiancée.
Ask yourself now, was it worth it?
I know your eyelashes have frozen together and you cannot handle scrapping your car off one more time, but remember it's better than the "12 Angry Men" alternative.
You may not be able to feel your legs, but at least you're not stuck in a small room with 11 other angry men with no air conditioning.
Think of it this way, have you ever been playing basketball and you get stuck with guarding the over-the-top sweaty guy who's on the skins team? It's kind of like that, except you're guarding 11 of those guys while in what's basically an oven as you decided the fate of another human being.
Scrapping that car for 3 minutes doesn't sound so bad now, does it?
Winter can be tough, especially if you don't enjoy winter activities like skiing and snowboarding. But sitting in your house while you battle cabin fever is still better than being in the heat battling a great white.
In "Jaws" Steven Spielberg reminds us of the perils of enjoying the sun. Sure, taking a dip in the hot summer sun sounds amazing while you sit in traffic with a broken car heater at 7 am, but believe me, it's better than floating in the ocean only to be taken apart by a shark.
You're probably looking at the icicles you have to knock off your house and think to yourself, "You know, out of all the people on that beach, there weren't very many who were actually attacked."
That's true, but you do not want to flirt with those odds. Just remember, a certain Quint tried to play similar odds and the poor fellow lost.
Take your chances with the icicles; in the long run it's safer.
This one can be a little tricky. Right now you're holed up in your house due to the cold and in the "Rear Window" scenario you're also holed up in your house, but due to a broken leg, not the cold.
Either way you're stuck inside, but at least in the "Rear Window" option it's not super cold. This option also has you dating Grace Kelly, or if the roles are reversed, you get to rub elbows with Jimmy Stewart. Not a bad gig.
I know it sounds like a no brainer, take the "Rear Window" route, right? Wrong.
I think we're forgetting the fact that you're neighbor has been murdered by her husband and now you're now on his list because he knows you know.
Oh, and one other thing, you're a peeping Tom.
For the sake of your neighbor's wife's life and avoiding a felony for voyeurism, just survive the winter, please.
While you walk to the mailbox and mumble to yourself, "It's way too cold out here. I'm crazy for being outside," be grateful that you're crazy for going outside because it's cold and not because a giant man-eating worm is trying to have you for dinner.
The landscape in "Tremors" is the polar opposite of what we're experiencing right now. It's hot, sunny and nothing sounds better than a cold drink, but you're also about to be eaten by an underground creature.
Sure, hanging out with a 1990 Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward sounds pretty awesome, but believe me, you want to take the cold walk to the mailbox over a flat out sprint to some rocks in the middle of the desert.
My suggestion is if you don't have a neighbor armed to the teeth, a man named Earl Bassett and 1990 Kevin Bacon, stick with what you've got and don't go chasing tremors.
There you have it folks, turns out winter isn't nearly as bad as you thought. Sure, you're kids are about to destroy one another from being stuck inside and your front door has frozen shut, but remember, it could always be worse. I mean it could even be summer.