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NOM NOM CITY — Breakfast is the most important meal for a day full of achievement and perfection. Especially if you're incredibly cool and eat it for every meal: morning, noon, night, second breakfast, elevensies, brunch, supper and midnight snack. It's really a versatile form of fuel for furious greatness.
It would behoove one interested in attaining the highest level of achievement, therefore, to know precisely where one might obtain the highest quality breakfast foodstuffs, wherever one may be, and on whatever budget is available. Even perfect people can be poor, after all.
So, with both your belly and your brain in mind, we've put together this list of magical restaurants where you can tuck into breakfast and be assured that any failure in your day is a result of your own follies and not due to suboptimal breakfast intake. Decisions were made based on social media responses and your humble and hungry correspondent's own iron will.
Enjoy. In order from north to south:
Not only are the folks at Herm's experts specializing in only breakfast and lunch — we'll forgive their conciliation to the powerful lunch lobby — they also have a saucy history full of whiskey, fishing and law-breaking. So, be assured that dull moments are not to be found.
The story goes that old Herm Johnson built the inn in the early 1900s, but ran whiskey out of the place during prohibition. So, it was not only the last place to fuel up and get a night's rest before going into the Canyon, it was also the last place to get sloshed when sloshing was a no-no. Definite street cred. They closed in 1948 but re-opened recently in the original building at 1435 E. Canyon Road.
Especially tasty-looking dishes include the Corned Beef & Hash (obviously) and the Greek Skillet. Open 7 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Actually, let's just assume from here on out that if the menu at any of these places has some variety of corned beef, you should probably try that.
In terms of semi-baseball-themed brunch joints with diabolical skull-and-crossbones logos, The Park Cafe is at the absolute top of a list that may include only itself. And in the true spirit of sports, fans of the café voted more rabidly and devotedly than any other restaurant. Devotion counts for a lot when deciding what heap of delicious calories to consume, so take that for what it's worth.
It's got decent prices, a wide fan base and is located at 604 E. 1300 South.
Right here is where you'd expect your author to run out of ideas and use a terribly predictable word play like, "for a home run, try the ______," but there's no need for laziness. I'll just straightforwardly suggest you eat the French Toast Foolishness or the Michigan Hash. I'll also suggest the Odelay omelet in honor of both the slang from my hometown on the border with Mexico and Beck's fantastic album.
Blue Plate Diner — SLCPerhaps the best-known diner in Salt Lake City, Blue Plate is full of stuff. Both the food-related variety and the, well, Utah-stuff-related variety. Its counter is from an old pharmacy in Salina, the soda fountain is from the old Olympic Club in Salt Lake and the chairs and tables are from the Cowboy Cafe in Fillmore. And there's more. Everywhere.
There's also a lot to choose from and much longer hours than many other breakfast joints. Blue Plate is open from 7 a.m. till 9 p.m.
Guy Fieri, the spiky, blonde herald of all weird, divey restaurants and foodstuffs, apparently enjoyed the Corned Beef Hash so much that he called it "money hash," which is an endorsement anyone can get behind. So put that in your mouth and chew it. Specifically, chew it at 2041 S. 2100 East.
Also, they have a million (meaning five) varieties of eggs Benedict, all of which are good, and many vegan and vegetarian options.
Callie's Cafe — OremThere's no place like a greasy, stick-to-your-bones, turn-your-blood-to-gravy kind of diner, and Callie's is exactly that. It's a little-known science fact that gravy is actually the closest approximation to blood found in nature. If only we weren't eating up all the supplies because of the extremely high deliciousness of gravy, we could be saving lives.
Nevertheless, Callie's delivers excellence in the form of a sublime plate of biscuits and gravy, piled high with their house country gravy, each ladle full of sausage chunks floating gracefully in a sea of grayish glory. Their hashed browns are to die for, and you might. But they're worth it. Located at 466 N. State Street.
It's also got late hours, sometimes. Opens at 5 a.m. every day, closes 3 p.m. Sunday and Monday, 9 p.m. Tuesday through Thursday and midnight on Friday and Saturday.
Jailhouse Cafe — Moab
If you're looking for breakfast purists, whose sole purpose in existing is to provide you with the only meal that really matters at all, then Jailhouse is your establishment of choice, recognized by discerning connoisseurs everywhere. Eschewing the power of the lunchers and dinner-ers who would taint the world with their ridiculous viddles, jailhouse is open only from 7 a.m. to noon, or 1 p.m Saturday and Sunday at 101 N. Main Street.
Nary a negative word has been said about this little house of goodness, even on the Internet, where someone, somewhere has something bad to say about literally everything — except for Jailhouse. So take that as a strong implicit endorsement of the entire electronic world.
Try the Jailhouse Chorizo Scramble or the Old Fashioned Ginger Pancakes with Dutch Apple Butter. Though it seems impossible, several commenters have pointed out that their bacon is even better than bacon should rightly be. So perhaps a side or two would be in order. Is your favorite place not listed here? Tell us about it on the comment boards or on Facebook. Or email email@example.com, or tweet @KSL_Newlin. Or don't say anything and just eat breakfast. Again.
Top image courtesy of The Park Cafe, via Facebook