Don’t count the chubby girl out: 11 ways to change your thinking

SALT LAKE CITY — I am not chubby, but some of my best friends are. ... Oh, what am I saying? I’m a big ol’ chunk. In fact, I sometimes have to stop and rest in the middle of bending over.

I would like to be skinnier. Then I could wear some of the nice wools in my closet instead of the stretchy stuff in my drawers. I could swim without wearing my gravity-defying, pectoral muscle-controlling body shirt. I could have a chin again — just one of them.

Most of the women I am related to are a bit chunky as well but are inconvenienced by more than appearances and heavy breathing: sisters, daughters, in-laws, a noisy neighbor we love dearly, my wife.

I get a little defensive when I hear irresponsible jokes — the kind that are meant to belittle. There are people behind the high comedy, people of the punch line that I know and treasure.

So, mean people — be nice. Chunky people — get healthy and get on with your life. That’s what I want to say. But my editor tells me to be a little more precise if I want to change the world.

Last week's Prodigal Dad column was a personal message to my wife. This week, my thinking is a little more universal. As the Prodigal Dad, the guy who is a little late on being a good father and husband, I would like to see a few changes concerning … well, being fat.

1. Many people consider those overweight to be weak-willed, but I know very few of us, the fat, who are weak. I am going to include myself in this category because my doctor told me to lose 20 pounds to live longer. Did I get this way because I am weak? No. I (speaking for myself) got this way because I wasn’t paying attention — that, and because I am no longer taking three dance classes and eating like a bird like I did in college. We have wills. If we want to do something about being overweight, and it is medically possible, we will get a plan and do it.
2. Baby steps are still steps. In fact, baby steps — slow and steady weight loss — seem to be more healthy than sudden drops in weight, which often lead to sudden gains of weight. Being consistent is a terrific baby step: Walk a little, and then walk some more. Don’t fall into the "I have been walking for two weeks and nothing is happening" trap. My guess is that it took you more than two weeks to get where you are.
3. Use labels to your benefit. Fat? Twig? Chunk-a-gram? Don’t put any energy into any label you don’t want energized. Don’t like it? Don’t use it. Ignore it. Find what works for you and let her rip — like my good pants did last Wednesday.
4. Enjoy who you are now. Don’t wait to be happy or to be skinny. Don’t keep buying a smaller size dress to hang in your closet as inspiration. You will only use it as a weapon with which you will beat yourself silly. Buy your size — unless it is cotton, and then buy a size or two up.
5. Laugh. Smile. Two words: Suzanne Sugarbaker.
6. Speaking of TV, have a realistic expectation of what it means to be and to look like you. Stop using television as your measure of womanhood. These people are paid to stay thin and pretty. They have cook and craft service and trainers and Spanks — not to mention soft, flattering lighting and wardrobe designers.
7. Find good reasons to do the healthy things you do. Don’t keep talking about a diet or dieting, do things because you are confident that they will help you feel better. Use those words: I’m being healthy.
8. It’s OK to wear those heels if you want too, or a sparkly accessory. You are not just calling attention to the fat. (That last is directly from my wife). It's OK to wear something pretty. And in case you didn’t hear the first 12 times, you can be large and pretty.
9. Show the young and non-twiggy (a label that works well for me) that there is life during 16, 20 or 24. Don’t hide in a hole and let the youth flounder. Be the positive role model you wish was there for you.
10. Please do not harm the idiots — the ones that say and do hurtful things to you or to others with weight issues. These people don’t get it, and they may never get it. However, it will be difficult to try to enlighten them if you have already laid them out and are doing time.
11. Keep a mirror around. You can use it to send signals to the neighbor across the street or to blind joggers. Or, and just a thought, you can use it to look in daily and smile to yourself. It won’t crack.

Now I can say it: mean people — be nice, and chunky people — get healthy and have a great life.

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Main image: Rather than be ruled by a diet, do things because you are confident that they will help you feel better. Don't count yourself out — of anything. (Photo: Shutterstock)

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Davison Cheney writes "The Prodigal Dad" series weekly on ksl.com. See his other writings at davisoncheneymegadad.blogspot.com and Twitter @DavisonCheney.*

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