Former BYU marriage professor to celebrate 50th wedding anniversary

Former BYU marriage professor to celebrate 50th wedding anniversary

(Courtesy of Jason Barlow)


9 photos
Save Story
Leer en español

Estimated read time: 3-4 minutes

This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replaying the story in its archived form does not constitute a republication of the story.

PROVO — A former Brigham Young University professor who taught marriage preparation courses for more than 30 years will celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary on Friday.

Brent Barlow, 74, said he met his wife, Susan, while they were both studying psychology at Brigham Young University. The couple was married on June 5, 1965, and Barlow went on to receive a master’s degree in religion at BYU and a PhD in marriage and family relations at Florida State University.

For the next 37 years, Barlow taught marriage and family courses at a variety of universities around the U.S., including Southern Illinois University, the University of Wisconsin-Stout and BYU.

“The main course that I taught at Brigham Young University was preparation for marriage,” Barlow said. “Everybody kind of took it as a joke, but I told them the first day there was no more important class on campus. Marriage is the most important decision you make in your life. And I said, ‘Who at BYU wants to get ready for marriage and then tell their future spouse that they failed marriage prep?’”

Along with teaching courses about marriage, Barlow also wrote a marriage/relationship column for the Deseret News for 11 years, published eight books about the subject and currently runs a blog. However, Barlow said all of his study and research wouldn’t have meant anything if his own marriage hadn’t worked out.

Only 6 percent of couples make it to their 50th wedding anniversary, according to a Census Bureau report. Barlow said a big part of what helped he and his wife to have a strong, healthy marriage was setting goals for the future and planning where they wanted to be. He also said they tried to keep a good perspective and would “start over” if they were having a bad day.


Everybody used to think it was love. If you just love each other. But you can be in love with someone you aren't committed to. So, I say commitment is the number one thing.

–Dr. Brent Barlow


“If we have a disagreement or a bad day, we just say, ‘Let’s just start over. Let’s just start over tomorrow,’ ” Barlow said. “Let’s not try to figure out who caused it or what it is. Let’s just start over and give each other the benefit of the doubt.”

During his years of research, Barlow said he discovered a few consistent behaviors that lead to solid marriages. One is creating a strong commitment to each other and the relationship.

“Everybody used to think it was love,” he said. “If you just love each other. But you can be in love with someone you aren’t committed to. So, I say commitment is the number one thing. And you have to commit some time to your marriage to build it. A lot of people think you just get married and ride off into the sunset. And I heard one authority from Minnesota, she says, ‘You have to commit 15 hours a week to building your marriage or it’s not going to last.’”

He said another important characteristic of a successful marriage is when each person learns and recognizes how their partner conveys love. He recommended that every married couple read “The 5 Love Languages.”

“People have a different way of loving,” he said. “Some like words. Some like hugs. Some just like different kinds of things, gifts. I think if you understand different people have different ways of conveying love, maybe they really do love you, but maybe they don’t love you in the way you want to be loved.”

Barlow retired from teaching in 2008 and is now working on two more books. He said he plans to celebrate his anniversary with a party with his seven children, before taking them all on a trip to California.

Courtesy of Jason Barlow

Photos

Related links

Related stories

Most recent Utah stories

Related topics

UtahFamilyUpliftingLifestyle
Faith Heaton Jolley

    STAY IN THE KNOW

    Get informative articles and interesting stories delivered to your inbox weekly. Subscribe to the KSL.com Trending 5.
    By subscribing, you acknowledge and agree to KSL.com's Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

    KSL Weather Forecast