Most children grow up to be 'just people'

Most children grow up to be 'just people'

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SALT LAKE CITY — In our family, we have chosen to have our children participate in very few extra-curricular activities. They attend local public schools, and their IQ’s likely all fall within the normal or average range.

There are a lot of pressures out there to push children to be their best, and to give them the opportunity to excel in a particular area. Although we do our best to make our decisions confidently, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I occasionally second guess my decisions based on what others around us are doing — and at times I wonder if we’re doing our children a disservice by not having them strive to excel in one particular area.

It isn’t likely we will have any NBA basketball players, concert pianists or Ivy League scholars come out of our family. What we are hoping to have, though, are some well-rounded children who have explored individual talents and interests.

Take, for example, a 14-year-old who can make a fondant cake, a 9-year-old who likes to send packages to people with sewing projects inside, or an 11-year-old who runs a neighborhood bike repair service from our backyard shed. I like to think these children are every bit as “accomplished” as a child with a bunch of baseball trophies on his dresser, or the 15-year-old on the news who is going to medical school.

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One night I was reading a book while my husband watched the last few minutes of a popular talent show on the TV. Before long, I began to ignore my book and my attention was solely focused on the television screen as I watched a magician pull a lifesaver out of his throat with dental floss. It really was quite spectacular, but it was the final performance of the evening that really left me pondering. It was a 10-year-old girl who sang with an amazing opera-style voice.

Watching this performance came on the heels of a meeting I had recently sat in when my youngest child wasn’t even a year and a half old. Another mother sat nearby, her baby the same age as mine. My son was eating dry cereal and had two Hot Wheels cars to entertain him. The other little boy had ABC flashcards and magnetic letters on a magnet board to entertain him, while his mother slowly printed his name for him on a Magna Doodle.

I’m ashamed to admit my first instinct was slight guilt, because I knew some of the difference in our choice of activities likely came from her child being a first-born, and mine being a fifth-born. And in those brief moments of guilt, I couldn’t help but ask myself right then and there:

Should my 1-year-old already know letter recognition?

Should my 1-year-old already recognize his name spelled out?

Should my 1-year-old be able to fully sing the ABC's?

And then I laughed inside. I threw all the guilt out of my mind and asked myself, who was I kidding? At that time, I had one child who was attempting to learn the U.S. states and capitols, one child beginning to master the times tables, one child learning to read and one child barely mastering the ABC song. If my fifth knew what sound a Hot Wheels car should make, we were on the right track (no pun intended).

One child at a time, please.


Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around and shouting that he has been robbed. The fact of the matter is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

–Jenkins Lloyd Jones


I wish I could say I learned my lesson that day and have never questioned my parenting since. But sometimes I do. I wonder if our choices to turn down competition dance teams or higher-level gymnastics are the right long-term decisions. I wonder if I’m nagging too much about music practicing, or not pushing the practicing hard enough. Will it matter that my child doesn’t own a trophy? Will my child turn out OK if he never plays on an organized sports team? Will it matter if my children aren’t academic geniuses? And then I remind myself of this quote by Jenkins Lloyd Jones:

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around and shouting that he has been robbed. The fact of the matter is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise."

My children will more than likely grow up to be just people, and I remain confident that what we have chosen is right for our family.

So, just people?

My children will probably never be on a nationally televised talent show, and probably won’t become the president of the United States. But it doesn’t mean my children don’t have their own share of dreams, goals, aspirations and potential. Right now, one wants to own a bike shop, another wants to be Superman, one wants to be a school teacher, one wants to be a dad and one wants to be a fashion designer.

Will my children likely become “just people”?

Probably.

And as I am now, I'll forever be a proud mother.


Through writing and public speaking, Tiffany is committed to helping mothers find joy and contentment in motherhood. Tiffany blogs at www.ourmostofthetimehappyfamily.blogspot.com

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